Thursday, June 9, 2011

Loving Life

It always takes me a while, but I settle in.

I am talking about loving my bigger "improved" self LOL!

When  you compete in any physique based sport, you tend to develop a self image that is hard to live up to. For you and those around you. When you start to look closer to "normal", you start to freak out, things jiggle where they used to be hard as a rock, clothes are tighter, you all of a sudden move slower.

And who on earth would wear black and pink and polka dots all together? 


I like myself a lot when I get bigger, like in the picture here, I think I look more athletic, more "real", but it takes me a long time to get there. My head I mean.

I never let myself get fat. No one would ever call me fat, I know that. In fact, at my "fattest" I probably am still the envy of 90% of the female population, I look that good.

I know many competitors who do allow themselves to get too fat though. They gain way too much weight. That's their deal and their demons, I am not here to fight their battles, I have my own. 

It is about now when I start to realize how selfish my dieting can seem to my family. I try not to impact them, but it cannot be helped. They have grown accustomed, although it doesn't mean they like it.

I go through this every year, but this is the first time in three years that I have been this "free" for this long and I am really starting to like it.

This weekend I attended the Santa Cruz Vintners Festival with David. What was that? Actually two old farts driving around Santa Cruz drinking wine and listening to reggae on Pandora. I ate tuna out of a can still, and then enjoyed all the nibbles at each winery too! 

I made banana bread for Cooper and carrot cake cupcakes too, I even had (half) of one.

I went to Mark and Virginia's and had some sparkling wine while Sophie showed me her new room, and Timothy sported his new haircut. 

At one point Virgina leaned over to pull a hair from the rear of my pants, a long blond one, obviously mine. I thanked her and said "Everything is getting bigger" and she laughed and said "Yes, but it's very firm!"

Ha ha you can get big and stay fit, it is a balancing act for sure.

It sounds like a normal fun weekend, but when you compete, you cannot do these things, it's been a long time.

Oh, and next weekend? It's the second half of the Festival! We are going to Nonna's in Redwood Estates.

I will stay on track, and will still require time to adjust to my new bigger improved self, all the while enjoying life.

My greatest pleasure this weekend? A wonderful Greek salad David made. We went to the farmers' market, bought ripe, juicy tomatoes and cucumbers. I picked oregano from the garden and he drizzled olive oil all over the salad.

Sheer heaven. 
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