Friday, June 17, 2011

Having Fun

It's Friday evening, I have just finished a cheeseburger and wine with the family, oh my goodness it was great!

David and I had a really long discussion afterward, as we sat at the 7 foot long pine table in our kitchen, it really is a great spot to sit and talk. 

We talked about our year, it goes in academic years for both of us, as his winds down, mine ramps up, the pits!

We also talked a lot about my training, my attitude changes, whats going on in my head...

I am enjoying my training with Roy so much, if I could actually "afford" it more than once a week, I would do it! I realize we all make choices, so I could forgo one thing for another, but I am not ready to let go of my pedicures, and that's about my only regular indulgence except my hair cuts. 

If you read the post that I "re posted" the other day called "Life on a Treadmill", I think you may be feeling what has been brewing in my mind, it's like a smoldering campfire, the hot embers just waiting for that right moment to ignite.

I am feeling good about where I am, and I realize, as I write this, that some people will know EXACTLY what I mean, and others will be totally lost. This post is not to help you find your way, it is to explain to those who are feeling the way I am, that everything is OK.

Life continues! Oh my goodness, life gets better! What was I thinking? What have I missed?

It is hard to push away, to hang it up for a while. It's like setting down the champagne glass that is filled continuously with a fine champagne. It is so good, you don't want to miss a drop of it, but you have had enough. Any more and you won't feel good. Time to put it down, at least for a while longer and enjoy the glow.

I write this because I have been torn about competing in the San Jose show in July, and my decision has been made- no, I will not.

Competing began to turn my passion into a chore, into another (unpaid) job. I am sure I won't always feel this way, but I am feeling it right now. I can wake up and train as hard as I want for the sake of training and thoroughly enjoy what I am doing for the moment, not for later, not for others who may be judging me on stage, but for my own simple pleasure that morning.

In the last few years it felt like I never took a break. I know other women who have done many more shows in a year than I have, but there are many who only do one. One is reasonable! That means you are not on a restricted diet all year long.

When I started, it was good for me, I needed a goal, I needed to be able to chart and graph and measure my progress. I did it, I succeeded and I did it again, over and over and over.

I no longer need my charts and graphs. I can feel when my bodyfat is lower or higher than it should be, my body reacts to food immediately.  If I want to change it, I can quite quickly and without much effort. The science project has blossomed into a working piece of machinery.

Next one? Maybe the San Francisco in October, I think Maria will be there, we can do it together!

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