Being Comfortable as You

I'm all about feeling good about myself, it's important. It's really the only way to succeed. It's important to love yourself, respect yourself and give yourself credit for all your hard work. 

I also believe that the way you treat others is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself. If you feel good about yourself, you treat others well. If you do not feel good about yourself, you treat others poorly.

My pursuit of "the perfect body" has been a long and exciting one, I'm certainly not done but I have learned a lot. I have a lot to share. 

I am not ashamed of my body, I never have been and never will be. This body is amazing.  It has carried a child, given birth (naturally, no epidural), breast fed for one ENTIRE year,  and is now 51 years of age. I think it has been a tremendous friend and has held up well. 

But I have taken care of it.

Oh, there were the years when I did not, believe me. But now I do all I can to celebrate and pamper my fantastic piece of machinery.

These pictures were taken Saturday, August 25 at about 11:00 am.

I need to remind myself that I look good, I often beat myself up and make myself feel less than I should, I have very, very high expectations.

It is important to believe in yourself, to tell yourself you do a good job. Not many people will do it for you right? If you are a person who has a job, you know just what I mean. How often does your employer say to you "We are so lucky to have you! We could not meet our goals without your fantastic skills!"......right....

And if you are a stay at home mom, no one ever, EVER says that to you. They just want to know when dinner is on the table, and "why are you so tired???"

I have my things I wish I could change. I wish I wasn't so hairy (but it's all super white blond!), I wish I didn't have Flintstone feet (they are fat and super wide), I wish I had a tiny waist, I wish I had less wrinkles on my face. I would like to have pretty long nails, but I am not going to glue on the fake ones....

But, then I need to remember the things I am thankful for.

I am super strong, I can out lift most men in my gym! I have a great, round, high butt. I have beautiful naturally blond, long hair. I am healthy. My cholesterol is 153 and my Vitamin D levels are at 53. Triglycerides are at 62, slightly up from last year, but still respectable.

My doctor thinks I am a living freak. He used to discuss steroids  with me, thinking I was always taking something...something to make me so amazing. This year he changed his tune. Once again, I have proven to him I am naturally healthy, strong and just living life to it's fullest. 

I love transforming my body, watching the changes that occur as I eat a healthy (or unhealthy) meal. I feel in control of my destiny.

I love my back, it looks amazing doesn't it? And I am only training it once a week now, but I suppose those extra chin ups have done the trick!

The way to start a program of change is to start by loving yourself. Treat yourself with kindness, encourage yourself.

Celebrate your beauty.

Loving Life

It always takes me a while, but I settle in.

I am talking about loving my bigger "improved" self LOL!

When  you compete in any physique based sport, you tend to develop a self image that is hard to live up to. For you and those around you. When you start to look closer to "normal", you start to freak out, things jiggle where they used to be hard as a rock, clothes are tighter, you all of a sudden move slower.

And who on earth would wear black and pink and polka dots all together? 

ME!

I like myself a lot when I get bigger, like in the picture here, I think I look more athletic, more "real", but it takes me a long time to get there. My head I mean.

I never let myself get fat. No one would ever call me fat, I know that. In fact, at my "fattest" I probably am still the envy of 90% of the female population, I look that good.

I know many competitors who do allow themselves to get too fat though. They gain way too much weight. That's their deal and their demons, I am not here to fight their battles, I have my own. 

It is about now when I start to realize how selfish my dieting can seem to my family. I try not to impact them, but it cannot be helped. They have grown accustomed, although it doesn't mean they like it.

I go through this every year, but this is the first time in three years that I have been this "free" for this long and I am really starting to like it.

This weekend I attended the Santa Cruz Vintners Festival with David. What was that? Actually two old farts driving around Santa Cruz drinking wine and listening to reggae on Pandora. I ate tuna out of a can still, and then enjoyed all the nibbles at each winery too! 

I made banana bread for Cooper and carrot cake cupcakes too, I even had (half) of one.

I went to Mark and Virginia's and had some sparkling wine while Sophie showed me her new room, and Timothy sported his new haircut. 

At one point Virgina leaned over to pull a hair from the rear of my pants, a long blond one, obviously mine. I thanked her and said "Everything is getting bigger" and she laughed and said "Yes, but it's very firm!"

Ha ha you can get big and stay fit, it is a balancing act for sure.

It sounds like a normal fun weekend, but when you compete, you cannot do these things, it's been a long time.

Oh, and next weekend? It's the second half of the Festival! We are going to Nonna's in Redwood Estates.

I will stay on track, and will still require time to adjust to my new bigger improved self, all the while enjoying life.

My greatest pleasure this weekend? A wonderful Greek salad David made. We went to the farmers' market, bought ripe, juicy tomatoes and cucumbers. I picked oregano from the garden and he drizzled olive oil all over the salad.

Sheer heaven. 

Senior Citizen

Yes, me.

My husband always says I have a "skewed body image" and he is probably right. I never think I am hard enough, muscular enough, slim enough, tight enough, I can go on and on and on.

I think that I am a bit obsessed with my body and that may be why I work so hard at staying fit. I don't think it should matter why a person chooses to do it, who is to say that the pursuit of health is more noble than the pursuit of looking good naked?

As long as you are pursuing something with a passion, I think you deserve credit.

Now back to my skewed self image. I do honestly think I look great- especially for my age. I don't think I look 50.

But the other day I was slapped in the face with my age and I was quite stunned!

In the picture above I had just returned from the grocery store. I had on some "active wear" pants (fancy name for man made material sweats that hug your butt and cost a fortune) and a t-shirt from Tilly's- my favorite t's and they are $7.99.

I ran into the grocery store (not my usual one) and bought some things. The clerk looked up as he was near the end of my groceries and he looked me right in the eye. I thought he was, you know, "looking me in the eye" and then I see it!

On the screen that displays the price of the groceries pops up this:

Senior discount -$2.84

Oh my god!! He thinks I am a senior citizen! I was horrified.

Ok, so now I really am questioning how skewed my self image may be because I was strutting around feeling about 25 or so, and now I walk out feeling 65.

As you can see in the picture above, I recovered from my shock by the time I got home and I was laughing about the whole thing.

But, I keep thinking about my own image of myself and then what others see. I think I am not as fit as I should be, yet people comment on it all the time, complete strangers ask me about it.

I think I look really young, yet a clerk thinks I am a senior citizen.

I guess it really is true, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder isn't it?

Thank goodness I see beauty all around me.