Saturday, April 16, 2011

Competing? Why?

Competing? What’s the deal anyway?

Competing in Bodybuilding (or Figure/Fitness and now Physique) by no means indicates a level of superiority over others, it is merely a way that some people express themselves, or motivate themselves.

For me, I stick to my diet if I know I have to stand half naked on stage, I want to look good. Some use it as a way of measuring their accomplishments as far as eating, weight loss and exercise habits. For others it is the fact that they feel superior to the people who do not place as well as them and it boosts their already low self esteem.

I am a thinker. I think a lot, I over analyze, I worry and ponder, sometimes I create bigger problems in my head, bigger than they need to be.

Lately I have been pondering my competitions. It is easy to push them 
aside now, I mean, I could compete if I wanted to, even though I have a broken rib, cannot lift weights, my shoulders are small and insignificant, I cannot even suck in my stomach to pose (too painful), but I really could do it, but why? I would probably place well in the 45+ division, I look great compared to most women my age, even the lifters, but I wouldn’t do well in open, and why would I choose to spend all the money, time and stress to place poorly?

I vacillate between wanting to compete again and not. I have to make sure I am competing when I want to and for reasons that fulfill a need of mine, not an obligation. It’s a difficult transition, to change without feeling I was pushed out due to inability or lack of “something”, but that will always be a subjective call won’t it?

My family wants to cook and make things like aioli, fresh pasta, homemade ice cream, meat stews, my handmade pizzas. I also think about the enjoyment of sharing this with them and friends, along with a glass or two of wine. This is something I cannot do when competing, but I can during the off season…

They want me to go on vacation, to spend the summer enjoying life like a “normal” person. Evan as a “normal” person I eat well, I just don’t obsess about it, so they can live with me quite easily. 

My son is traveling to Canada again this summer for lacrosse, in the “intermediate” division; I think it’s just below AAA league. Time to consider it. 

The San Jose show is smack dab in the middle of this time period. I need to make a commitment, three months ahead. Either I go with them and I do not compete, or I stay home, go on a diet and compete without them in the audience.

Summer off? Might be a great break! (no pun intended)