Sunday morning at the gym, shoulders. I set my alarm for the same time as usual, even though David said I should sleep in because of daylight savings time, nope, I want to be there when they open, that's just what I do.
I was feeling a little discouraged. I am looking at myself all the time as I lift, I hit a few poses in between and I wasn't really happy with what I was seeing. My skin was looking a bit soft, I wasn't lean enough and my weight hasn't changed since last week.
So, we had to have a talk. Who is "we"? It's me, my ego and my logical self, all three of us get into heated debates quite often. I really have some of the best conversations with these two- we argue, debate, rationalize, laugh and cry. In the end we all walk away a bit wiser and friends, we love each other very much.
I had a high calorie day yesterday, I did not have what some call a "cheat meal", I had the same foods, just a bit more. It's important to change up calories and foods to make the body adapt. Eating the exact same thing everyday is not recommended by any nutritionist, bodybuilder, Figure competitor or coach, it's not going to produce the best results.
I reminded "Ego" that and she quickly acknowledged the fact that might be why I was a little soft around the middle.
Anne stopped by when I was near the end of my training, she saw me posing in between cable sets and said I needed rhinestones on my shoes. We had a little laugh and I was describing my feelings of lack of progress when I pointed at something and her eyes got huge.
She said "do that again!" "You're huge!" So I hit a pose like this:
I asked if my back was wide enough, and told her I have been really working on back and shoulders quite a bit. She said "Definitely, they look great!" I told her I was concerned about my bodyfat, and she said "I have the utmost confidence in you, you have always been very successful and won't have a problem".
This is true, Anne is right, she gave me a smile and went on her way.
So why am I worried? I am smart enough to know that the added starches yesterday means I am carrying more weight and softness as I have more glycogen in my muscles, I tell this all the time to others, so "Miss Logical" gave me a little "told ya so!" and left it at that, she can be quite the bitch sometimes to both me and Ego. We try to be patient with her, but she can be quite annoying at times.
Then a fellow who was lifting there tried to get my attention, I pulled my ear buds out, I was done with lifting so I could talk.
He asked about losing body fat and explained when he would get lean, he would get so hungry, how do I do it? He said he struggles, he can't keep it up.
I explained it is difficult, I also get hungry. A great deal of it is psychological, you are not allowed to eat something, so you want it more, you think of food all the time.
I also explained that when you diet, your body produces hormones specifically to increase your appetite, so you don't starve yourself, the human body is oh so very finely tuned to survive.
I said "It all depends on how desperately you want it. It's mind over matter and it's not easy." He said he was glad to hear that, he thought that it was very easy for me, I laughed, "no, it's not but I prefer to be upbeat and pretend everything is fine, I don't believe in being a whiner."
After we all had these conversations, and I looked at my pictures I realized that competing has taught me many good things. Patience, self confidence, belief in my abilities, self love and desire to constantly improve.
It's now noon, I am prepping food for the week, taking a break to write. I look great and realize I am on track, I am at peace.
The pictures I take are more for me than anyone else, it allows me to see the subtle changes that occur, to keep pushing myself and not give in or give up.
To be the best I can be, always.
The pictures also help me see where I need to make changes in posing- see the back shot?, my shoulders are sloping down, they need to be up and out across the top, I need to hold them up more so I will work on that now and see the change next week.
And Ego? She says "Looking good Mama!"