Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Musings

I just got home from the gym Saturday morning. Everything is looking pretty pumped in the picture above- It's left over from the day before with Roy....Can you believe I didn't train upper body today? I am ripped!


The other day I wrote about attending the NPC Contra Costa, the first NPC show I have ever attended as a spectator. I did attend part of a very small Natural show several months ago, but they are worlds apart.


I wrote some things that would surely offend people, mainly anyone competing in "Bikini", "Figure" or "Bodybuilding", I guess everyone who competes actually.


These were based on my own personal feelings and observations, nothing more. I actually expected to hear a lot of feedback, defending the sport or telling me what a jerk or idiot I am.


Writing is controversial. If you write what you feel, or what you believe in, you are sure to offend. If you write for the masses, your writing will not come from the heart.


I wear my heart on my sleeve, I think that is quite evident to all.


I heard from many people, but it was all positive! I was quite pleasantly surprised. I also didn't hear from people I had expected to, which makes me think they were holding their tongues, we all do what we need to do. I hear them though, even in their silence. 


Actually I think many people showed concern because they sensed I was quiting, I decided not to compete again. They seemed that there was sadness, or defeat, or maybe regret. Some said they have been rethinking even starting to compete, and one, a fellow competitor who was in the show said she agreed with everything I said and wanted to meet and talk with me about her experience.


I am not quitting anything, I have no regrets, no sadness, no feeling of defeat. I feel triumphant. I feel enlightened, I feel free, the first time I have felt that in years. I am actually so high on life right now, enjoying the world around me, instead of me in my own world; and training with Roy has made it all even more exciting, that I couldn't be better. 


I think that many people, especially those who don't compete don't realize that the training never stops, it only changes. So when they say "you won't be training any longer!?", they don't understand it all.


The only thing I won't be doing? Two things actually- I am not going to be subjecting myself to a summer of strict dieting and I am not going to stress every moment of the day and night about what my body looks like.


In other words, I won't be on a diet all summer as I have for the last two years.


Needless to say, my family is doing the happy dance. They are picking out things for me to make already.


I will still go to bed at 9:00 every night, I will still get up at 4:00 am to train, I will still lift everyday with as much effort and enthusiasm as ever before, I will still run my 300 stairs and jump rope 300 times at lunch. I will still train with Roy every Friday, and cry every Saturday and Sunday from the muscle soreness....


If I compete again this year, it will not be until the 2011 NPC San Francisco, in October. By then, I will have had time to gain the lean mass I have been seeking, I will have had the first break from dieting in three years and a long mental and emotional break that is needed to maintain a healthy self image and balance.


Things won't go to hell I can assure you. I learned after breaking my rib that I am quite a machine. I eat healthy and train hard, every single day. I can maintain a body that most women would kill for, and it's routine for me. 


Will I look the same? Probably not, I mean why would I expect my body to look the same if I am not on a restricted calorie diet and not trying to lose body fat? It will surely take some adjustments, I know how to fix it if I need to though!


Cooper, my son has had a change in his plans for lacrosse in Canada. He and David will be going without me now, in June. I will stay behind and then we will all be off for most of July, I will hang out in the backyard in a skimpy bikini and cook fabulous foods.


Today? David and I went to lunch at Nicks On Main in Los Gatos- I don't think Nick is too keen on my competing because when I am dieting, we don't go in! He stopped by the table and asked how the competitions were going. I explained I am taking some time off so he will see us a bit more often, he was pleased to hear that. He was happy to see us and were were just as happy to be there. It's a great restaurant, especially lunch, very fairly priced and great food!


Dessert? Chocolate Decadence Cake.. Flour-less cake, still gotta watch those carbs! We split it.