Size, Perceptions and Self Acceptance

My son came home from college this past weekend, the first time we have seen him in 5 weeks. It was great to see him but also hectic, we had a lot to fit in, he was sick and needed to go to urgent care for anti-biotics and of course, he had to spend time with friends too.

Sunday morning I slept in as usual and then went to Gold's to train my back, I love Sundays I can usually spend all the time I want to and it's never crowded, everyone seems to take Sundays off. This Sunday I had an appointment at 9:00 so I was under a bit of a time constraint, but I fit most everything in.

My Sundays take so long because of all of my chin ups - It takes me about 45 minutes just for those!

It's also harvest so David had to pick the grapes from the yard without me and then after I got home, we loaded them into Moby to take to Jay's for crushing. No one had much time for cooking, eating or anything. Once Cooper left at 1:00 we still had more to do, so we ended up going out for a very early dinner (lunch for David) at The Table in Willow Glen.

We arrived early, they weren't open yet so we wandered down the street and David slipped into a restaurant to use the bathroom. I stayed outside and was waiting and I hear a "hey you, come here and give me a hug!" I turn around and there, holding open the restaurant door is Mark Baz, my very first trainer! 

I went over and gave him a hug, I hadn't seen him in years and he led me inside to meet his girlfriend who was sitting at their table by the window. 

We chatted for a while about what was going on with our kids (he and I have boys the same age), about our current lives and things in general. He told Kyra about how we met, and when he first met me I couldn't lift a 15 pound dumbbell, then he said he got me up to 65 pounds, and he was right, I had forgotten! Here is a picture taken many, many years ago when I trained with him.

Kyra wanted to know how I got arms like mine. I said "lifting lots of heavy weights!" We talked about what we were doing and I mentioned my hamstring injury, and I got up to demonstrate a Romanian Deadlift. I sat down and Kyra said "wait- stand up and turn around!" I did and she pointed to my butt. "That's what I want, how do you get that?!" I laughed and told her that I had asked Roy just yesterday when my butt blew up like it is now- it all of a sudden got big and round. Like BIG. Roy said he had noticed it Friday himself. I mean it's BIG, it almost requires it's own zip code.

Then Baz told Kyra a story that I had forgotten from so long ago. He said that I had always demonstrated "the pencil test". If you could take a pencil and place it under your butt cheek, above your hamstring (the glute/hamstring tie in) and it stayed there, you were fat. Your butt fat should not hold up the pencil! I tried this when I got home, the pencil fell immediately to the ground. 

I laughed, I had forgotten about this and told him it was like to the towel test for men. 

We left and went to dinner and as we sat at the table I told David that it was odd. When I am at the gym, I really don't get a second glance, except maybe from people who don't come there often, but when I go out say to a restaurant, people stare at me, why?

He said I am a freak! He said no normal person looks like me. I know he is not trying to hurt my feelings at all, he is just trying to get me to see myself the way others do. They see a freak, Seriously...I told him I am not big, I don't look like a bodybuilder, but he said to a regular person, I do! I look like a bodybuilder! 

It bothers me and it doesn't, I suppose it depends on my mood and what's going on. The more I thought about it, the more I realized why I am so comfortable in the gym, you see, I belong there, I am with people like myself.

Obviously we are all different, but we have similar goals and aspirations, we want to improve our bodies, our health and it means a lot to us. We take the time necessary to actually get up off the couch and go to the gym; we make an effort to eat healthy foods instead of the easy and somewhat tasty garbage.

And I realized for the first time that this is one reason why I enjoy competing, I am with people just like myself.  Don’t misunderstand me, I embrace diversity, I enjoy people of all different walks of life, but I also like being around “my own kind”, fellow competitors.

I understand that many people are curious and they cannot help but stare at others who appear different, so although I don’t feel out of place out in public, I do feel the stares, and sometimes it is annoying and I wish they would stop, I am not a freak in a freak show.

The other morning I as reading Facebook posts and Bret Contreras posted this video, and it all clicked.  At one point in my adult, weight training life I felt like the little girl dressed as the Bumblebee, but now, I am finally with other Bumblebees, it’s a happy and joyous feeling.

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Almost There

I had a burger last night. I was feeling too thin and looking stringy. I can get away with that, lots of people cannot so don't think it's "the approved diet" of Figure competitors. I can eat starchy carbs, I am insulin sensitive, I don't bloat up and have problems digesting them. My blood sugar doesn't spike wildly and then plummet.  Now, I rarely (RARELY) eat any white carbs anyway. Hardly ever eat bread of any kind, pasta is an occasional treat, don't eat many potatoes, so the whole deal may be that I don't eat an excess of that stuff on a normal day anyway.


But, I did last night (I had a bun). I only have a little fat left to lose, and I am getting close to losing it too fast (I always do this), so now I can "eat up" once in a while to make sure I don't get too thin. My burger was lean grass fed beef, the good stuff that you can eat raw if you like!


I went to the gym in the morning looking and feeling great! My muscles were happy and full, skin tight across them. 


I was standing at the box, getting my things together and Wendy came up, a big smile on her face. "You must have a show coming up, you look fabulous! I mean, don't get me wrong, you always do, but I can really see it now, super lean and muscular".


We talked about my diet for a while, she wanted to know what I was eating, I explained mainly lean protein, lots of vegetables and small amount of brown rice, lentils or sweet potatoes.


Monique, a trainer who is also a competitor stopped by. "Doing the SF Show?" she asked. "You look lean". I explained I had a burger the night before, I was getting too lean too fast now. "Be careful, don't be ready too early" she advised.


What is interesting, although none of us are experts at "peaking" at just the right moment, many of us can control it very closely to ensure we gain, lose or remain somewhat stable. It is a very fine balancing act. Something as small as a few additional fish tabs can slow the fat loss! I have used this technique before. 


It is also just as easy to backfire on us too. It does become a bit stressful trying to balance it all.


I was done lifting, and in the back free weight room I was joking with Mike, Anthony and Bobbie, we were talking about the different gyms in Los Gatos, they are thinking of changing. 


I gave my opinion on all. "I have just been to every single club in this area, I know all about every one of them!" I told them.


Bobbie replies "Of course 'Miss trains three times a day' does!"


I replied "I am only on three a days for 28 more days, then it's back to two a days! At my age you gotta slow down a little." (chuckle chuckle)


Bobbie laughed and said "I'm not so sure about that. You look pretty freaking sculpted these days. Lately you walk in the room and it looks like you got two sets of shoulders on you!"


I thanked him laughed and started to leave. I told him my shoulders only look so good because I have a trainer who knows what he's doing!


I was on a cloud the rest of the day!

Back On My Regime Again

I hear from people all the time about wanting to get back in the gym, get back to healthy eating, back to walking, the list is endless. I don't ask them, they take one look at me and feel guilty, then they start telling me their story of woe, this happens especially at work.


I am not here to judge anyone, although I find it unfortunate that some people prefer to eat unhealthy and drink excessive alcohol, that's their life to live, not my call. I will certainly help with whatever I can, but at the end of the day, it's not going to matter what I do or what I say, it will be decided by the individual.


We all have episodes of "lapses" or periods when we are not as strict as we should be. For some this may be a few days (like me) and for some it may be a few months, and for others, years.


I talk to so many people who beat themselves up when they make bad choices, or when they "fall off the wagon". If you are one of those people, STOP!


Live for today, don't regret yesterday, move forward. You cannot change the past. Living with the pain of disappointment in yourself will eat you up alive. Forgive yourself, love yourself and promise to be good to yourself.

You are worth it.

I saw this video the other day on a blog that I have enjoyed, called Lisa's world, and I love the words, I love the beat, I love the message. This is performed by Stic Man otherwise known as Dead Prez. I have added it to my workout mix, and it's perfect for shoulder day. I have also found it a great beat to run stadium stairs!


The song is about Stanley "Tookie Williams one of the co-founders of the Crips gang, considered one of the largest and most violent street gangs in the United States. They are the ones who wear blue. Before you condemn me for including this, read a bit about Tookie, and it is his story that I base this on.

We can all change. 

We can all "get back on my regime again"  and start all over.

Observations at the Gym and Life Lessons

I was staying at my father in laws house last week, and of course didn't want to skip the gym, so I visited the one in his area. I had been there before with Alicia, she lives across the street with him and has been taking very good care of him since my mother in law passed away in February.

When Alicia and I went, we had only chatted over email and Facebook, it was fun to meet her in person, she was filled with excitement about learning something new. I remember as we pulled up to the gym she looked at me and said "I have a feeling we aren't going to the ladies part of the gym" and I exclaimed that I had never been to a gym that had a separate men's and women's section, so she can rest assured we will NOT be going to the ladies section!

On Friday I walked into the "men's section (and by the way, it is Alicia's regular part of the gym now!) and started lifting, it was back and bicep day for me.

I noticed two men, huge chests, spotting each other as they did set after set of bench press, and with some really good weight on the bar. Both of them had wide, massive, impressive chests.

Then I did what I always do. I looked at their butts.

They had none. Not one between 'em!

I see so many men who spend so much time on developing a massive set of pecs, only to ignore the rest of their bodies, sad. 

It's like women who think they can go out and buy silicone breast implants and not worry about their rolls of fat on their stomachs, or their huge saddle bags. They will run around in a tight t-shirt but wouldn't darn don a bikini.

Sorry, it's a package deal and good packages are compact and tight.

I notice a woman on the decline bench, doing ab crunches. She has a cell phone in one hand and transfers it back and forth as she crunches.  What on earth is going through her mind? 

As I put on my clothes in the locker room that same women looks at me and speaks. She nods her head at me and says:

"How long do you have to work so your arms look like that?" 

For the first time in my life I don't hesitate. 

"10 years" I said.

I wasn't trying to be mean nor was I trying to discourage her, but I have worked hard, and I continue to work hard. To have someone hold their cell phone while they do "crunches" and then even ask me how long it took me to get where I am was just too much. 

It's not just the time, it's the effort, the dedication, the passion, the diet, the self critique, the constant criticism (upon request), it's so much more than a couple crunches on a Friday morning. 

It's my life.

The day before we had rested my mother's ashes in the niche. It was a beautiful military memorial in a quiet cemetery. Smooth, cool Italian marble and a rough, strong rock on top. Then a bronze bayonet and helmet embedded in the rock. A fitting place for a strong woman.

There was a saying on one of the niches that has stayed with me.

Cherish yesterday

Live today

Dream tomorrow

This helped me through the rest of the day, and I continue to think about it still. We can all use this as we live, as we mourn, as we lift.

Monday Morning Motivation

Many times I have read that it is important to surround myself with positive energy, with people who have like goals, people who embrace the importance of health and fitness. 

It is true, many studies have been done to prove this is what makes us successful - you have heard the term before: "Birds of a feather flock together".

If your friends all sit around drinking beer and eating chips, either you will end up joining in on their activities, or you will probably end up separating yourself from the group, you just won't have the same attraction for the events that they do. This doesn't mean you cannot have friends like this, but your connection just won't be the same, you won't spend as much time together as you used to.

I met a woman at the club a while back, we talked a few times, we are similar in many ways. We both manage our food for health reasons, we are type "A", busy lives, same age, love to train, and have been doing it for years. 


We would chat on the stairmill once in a while, and I gave her my card and invited her to take a look at my blog, she might find it interesting.


I am not a private person, so what happens to me is known round the world! Stacy was reading my blog, I could tell from her comments.

A while ago as I got into my car, Stacy was driving by and popped her head out the window and said we should get together for coffee after the gym one day.

Today was that day. We sat in my backyard in the sun, sipping water talking about past trainers, loves, weight training, parents, grass fed beef, carbs, supplements, diets, passions, dislikes, wine and more training.

I had a wonderful time connecting with someone who has such an avid interest in the same things I do. I can tell we will have a lot of fun this summer, she likes to cook too!

The whole point of this story is that it takes just one person to reach out, to take the initiative to say "hi, let's do something" and people don't do that enough, we all miss out because of this. We don't take the time to connect.

After she left, I sat in the backyard eating lunch with David (another Greek salad loaded with chicken) and I remarked "I feel like I am supposed to be doing something, something is nagging at me". Then I realized, I rarely sit around and do nothing, just visit and talk, it was wonderful, Stacy gave me back relaxation that I had taken from myself.

"R" emailed and wants to sit by the pool at the club and have some wine next Sunday, (yes, my club serves wine), and that will be another great time connecting with a friend. We will leave the fathers to their own devices on fathers day!

Start something good, take the time to connect, you will be a better person for it.

"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."

Zig Ziglar

The Right Stuff

I took my son to join a gym on Friday, he doesn't care to go to mine. He likes to go to The Right Stuff with his friend.

As usual, we had a fun time, I have a lot of fun with my son and I always have a good time in any gym! Cooper asked how long it would take, and I said at least a half hour. He didn't understand why and then he soon found out.

The young woman at the front immediately steered us toward a very good looking buff trainer. He wanted to show us everything. We started out in the cardio area- he said they were getting all new equipment and they would get two stairmills. "You don't have any stairmills?" I asked in disbelief. No they did not. I told him that was about all I used when I did any cardio- I got a high five for that.

He pointed out the locker rooms and said with a smile "there's the women's you can go in if you like, it's dark and damp and smells like stinky socks"....hmm I had to go check it out. Nothing odd and nothing spectacular.

I came out and immediately got another high five and a smile "You compete in Figure?!" Scott said, "Yes" I replied, "I do". Scott went on to explain how he would be competing in Men's Physique in July, and the conversation continued throughout the tour.

Unbeknown to me, when I was in the locker room he had turned to Cooper and said "Your mom's ripped! Does she compete?" "Yeah" Cooper said, "She competes in Figure."

I asked if they had a hack squat "yes, two". I asked if they had a glute ham raise "huh? no". I asked if they had kettlebells "yup", on and on, Cooper was amazed at the ease of our exchange.

At the desk as we decided if he would sign up alone, or if I would also join, Scott looked at me and said "I can always use a workout partner and I think you might be a good one". I laughed, yes it could be fun indeed.

I asked Scott if he has started practicing his posing yet. "No, I don't need to".

"Well", I said, "I beg to differ, but your personality on stage and your posing will make or break you. All the guys up there will be buff and look great, you have to wow them." 

Now, he looked great, let me tell you that! Big wide shoulders, very full strong arms, tiny waist, full quads, beautiful dark skin.

"I have a lot of charisma, I am a stripper on the weekends, I will wow them for sure!" Scott says.

"You are a stripper!?" I asked. I was a little shocked but I am not sure why, the difference between posing and stripping can't really be that big can it?

I laughed, I signed up Cooper (on his own) and told Scott I might be back. And the funniest thing Cooper and I both noticed as we walked out, was his name tag.

Scott Bacon


Coop says "Do you think that's his stage name? Bacon?" I laughed, and on the way home I was humming the tune:


"I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never ever let you forget you're a man......"

Dancing in the Gym

I really do have a good time in the gym! I feel right at home, I feel confident, I know what I am doing.

I believe that one reason is my years of training with others. I listened and learned. Now, I am well aware there are many poor trainers out there- ones who do not really understand the whole concept, how the nervous system has as much to do with a successful lift as does the grip and the breathing and the tempo, it's a science!

I also think that my fascination with the science and my love of reading has helped, I read some wild and interesting books on training.

But even if you aren't concerned with how your brain makes everything work, or how the neurons fire, maybe you just want to go ride a bike and chat with your friends. Then power to you! That's a heck of a lot healthier than sitting in a bar downing vodka grapes!

Saturday morning I was dancing in the gym, literally! I was having so much fun, I felt strong, I felt alive, I felt invincible.

I went to be early the night before - that's really important!

I had my music cranked, and since I was training arms that day, it's not like I had huge lifts when it is leg day, I would dance in between sets.

A few women smiled and threw their heads back, they enjoyed seeing me have fun, and I didn't care what anyone thought, because I am having fun being Kristy!

New Trainer

I have been without a trainer for a year now. Previously I worked with two at once! One for strength, one for Figure. They were often at odds as to what they believed I should be doing. 


I worked with SC (Strength Coach) for about three years, maybe longer, I enjoyed that more than anything. Every Friday I would leave work early and would hit weights so heavy, sometimes my whole body would shake.


I would work with FP (Figure Pro) leading up to competitions, and since I was doing three a year, that pretty much covered the year! I would see her on an evening after work, we did mindless weights (even she said that), but she was great at assessing what needed work. 


I stopped training last year and was on my own. I have decided it is time to find a new trainer, one who meets all my criteria.


I went to meet a new trainer after work on Monday, so we could talk and decide if we might work well together. I already sent him my list of requirements, down to the only day and time that I could train, none of this silly "jumping around stuff", just pure heavy weights, muscle building only, I am looking to add mass, as much as naturally possible, and he was in agreement.


I told him "I don't need to lose weight, I don't need to lose fat, I need to build mass, get big and ripped!"  He said that training a figure competitor would make it very interesting.


He doesn't train at my club, he has his own facility and has completed courses through the Poliquin International Certification Program (P.I.C.P.) and the BioSignature Modulation Program. That's how I found him, browsing through the list of PICP trainers listed on the Charles Poliquin website.


I showed up Monday evening at about 7:30, the facility is located in one of those small industrial type areas, where you will find lots of auto body shops, and small manufacturing shops, the kind that is a long driveway, with roll up garage doors, all in a row.


I drove down the end of the drive, not much open at this hour, so I looked for an open garage door, and there it was, with a nice Ducati parked right in front.


There were two trainers, and two clients, nice! The place has just about everything I could want, a dual cable, one power rack, glute ham raise, lat pull down, dip bars, back extension, kettlebells, lots of free weights, med balls, some benches, a huge trampoline, mats, a heavy bag, a sled and big, thick ropes. In other words, not a bunch of sissy machines, my club has plenty of those (and I do use some of them depending on my training at the time).


I sat on one of the big thick mats, occasionally talking but not much. Roy said I didn't look like I had been off training for 4 weeks, I told him that he should have seen me 4 weeks ago! ha!


I watched Roy train, watched how he treated the client, and liked what I saw. He was calm, thinking, watching, paying attention, taking notes, speaking when necessary, but not much. He was working on a full body workout, not what I want but his client was training for fat loss, he said his plans for me are very, very different. That is good, you really can't gain a lot of mass by doing full body, dynamic workouts, and he agreed, it would be heavy weights, body part splits just as I am used to. He understands I want to gain muscle mass, I don't like group training and circuits, that's not real training in my eye. He understood completely.

We talked for about a half hour afterward, about my goals, my needs, and diet.  We talked about supplements and sleep, he seems to know quite a bit but at the same time was very interested in how I maintain such a low body fat percentage all the time!  He asked if I do a lot of cardio? (NO!), do I take fat burners  (NO!) ....hmm, how do I stay so lean? I started just rattling off how and I forgot how completely natural my diet has become in my everyday life.


What I liked was he considers the whole person when training, it's not just the weights or the diet, but your sleep, supplements, energy levels. 


He told me about the fat measurement of the subscapular, if it is at 8mm or less, then I am probably naturally lean and can eat carbs till the cows come home, and not gain a lot of fat. If it measures at 10 or higher, I would be insulin sensitive and starchy carbs would not be a good thing for my body.


I told him that I have my 9 site bodyfat measurements on a spreadsheet for over the past year, I would check it out as soon as I got home. Yes, I have it from March of 2009 to September of 2010, last time I think I saw SC and he checked it. My subscap? Went up to 8 twice, and the rest of the time low as can be.


Want to see the measurements?


Kristy Body Fat


He said he was a little scared when I explained how I broke my rib, I am not sure if that was because he thought I might injure myself again, or I was just a bit too aggressive. I assured him I am fine, I had a DEXA scan not too long ago, I have the bone density of a 27 year old!


We agreed to start with a month. I will show up at noon on Fridays (today, first day!) and he will start by testing my max in lifts, lower body today, upper next week. He will write a program, increasing weights weekly.


Last piece was to change my work hours, once again to fit my training. Thank goodness I have a very supportive supervisor! Fridays, now I work 7:30 to 11:30 so I can get there on time. We will see how it goes, I am looking forward to it.


Watch out world!

Gym Talk

Sunday morning at the gym, it was Easter so extra quiet at opening. I did my usual 60 minutes on the stairmill then walked over to talk to Alan, my shoe connection.

Alan sources products for Nike, so he travels to the store in Washington regularly and gets my shoes at his cost. Cooper and I both need some new Nike Free Runs, well, actually neither one of us needs them, we want new colors.

I asked Alan if he had heard I broke my rib, and he says in his Scottish accent:

"Brilliant!, That's a painful one, how did you manage that!?"

I explained and he told me to take Osteocam and Ostera to make the bone heal faster. Too bad I didn't talk to him about it a month ago!

I decided to throw in an extra 30 minutes on the elliptical, I did that on Saturday too, just because I know my time on these dreaded pieces of machinery are coming to a close.

If you are a person who thinks long bouts on a cardio machine is the way to a hot body, I have news for you, you are wrong! Cardio is to be used in conjunction with proper training, and no one worth their salt will tell you that cardio is proper training- it's "in addition to" training!

Look at the people who spend hours every day on those machines, especially the ones who do nothing else, they look awful!

I will describe a conversation and it is a bit odd, I am not sure how it got where it did, but it was awfully funny and made me laugh out loud.

Bob and Mike (attorney and race car/wine importer respectively) were chatting about church and I got off my elliptical and walked over to them and asked if they were going later (knowing full well they were not). We then talked about what our plans were for the day.

I told them I was going to dinner at Jerome's, it would be a late night so I wouldn't be at the gym in the morning, no way I would be able to get up at 4:00am.

Mike asked what was late? I told him we were to arrive between 7:30 and 8:00 so dinner would surely be after that, how much after is the question.

Mike replied:

"Wow, eating dinner that late, I wouldn't want to be standing next to you on the stairmill in the morning. There's no room in those shorts for farts!"

(I am thinking huh????)

Bob pipes in "Those aren't shorts she's wearing, she has on underwear!"

Mike looked at me in shock. It was true, but I have been wearing the darn things for ages and he never noticed, now they will all know. I mean, they say UNDER ARMOUR all over the waist band, are they blind? (see picture above).

The funny thing is, women ask me all the time where I got my shorts, I tell them "Under Armour mesh boy shorts underwear" my favorites. Thin, cool, low on the hips, extra short rise, perfect for me, and they come in cool colors too.

I walked back to my machine, my head was thrown back and I was holding my sides to contain my belly laugh. I could feel both of them staring at my "shorts" as I walked away.

Fun times in the gym!

Gym Talk

I was leaving the gym cafe on Tuesday, with a cup of coffee in hand. Over walks "the doctor". You know the plastic surgeon who thinks I need to have my entire face done?

Doctor: "There you are, I have been looking all over for you, how come I haven't seen you lifting weights?'

Kristy: "I have an injury, I haven't lifted in a week."

Doctor: "What happened?"

Kristy: "I broke a rib, I can't lift for another 3 to 5 weeks."

Doctor: "Oh, what are you taking for pain, which rib and how did you do it?"

Kristy: "Vicodin, 10th left side, weight training."

Doctor: "Take plenty of fiber when you take Vicodin or you will get constipated, take benefiber, it's a great product and works wonderfully.

Kristy: "Thanks, I will keep that in mind."

Doctor: "I have decided to start deadlifting so I want you to teach me proper technique."

Kristy: (thinking WTF!!??) "I cannot lift a thing myself so we can talk about it after I rehabilitate myself."

Doctor:" OK, I will keep my eye out for you."

So, what do I ask for in  return? Besides laughs galore, there is no way I am training a 70 year old plastic surgeon!

The gym is still fun even if I can only walk!

Can't Keep me Down

I went to the gym Monday and walked!  I called the doctor on Friday and asked if it would be OK, or I would go nuts. The answer was "as long as you aren't taking pain killers, walk away"

I spent a few days eating and drinking, I am amazed at how my muscles soak up and hold onto the glycogen! I look good, although the belly is a bit soft, something a bikini gal would like I am sure, but me? I like to be be hard, lean and lithe with round full muscle bellies showing.

I told David that I looked bloated and he agreed and he asked if maybe I had internal bleeding (guess I look kinda big huh?) but I assured him I didn't, it must be swelling...

Over the weekend I thought about what friends have told me, and I realize they are all correct. Things happen for a reason, and someone reminded me of running.

So many people have offered encouragement and pushed me to continue, I am amazed at how much faith they have in my abilities.

Before I started weight training, I was a runner. I am a Marathoner. You see, once a marathoner, always a marathoner- did you know they say that? You can never take that accomplishment away from anyone. Running 26.2 miles, without ever stopping is an amazing feat, and I have done it. 4 hours, 1 minute, 7 seconds. My goal was 4 hours and at the age of 40, I think that was pretty darn good.

I stopped running due to injuries, doctors orders. Plus I couldn't walk without pain and that was a bit of a drag. I think I went through a bit of depression and then I started weight training, but it took quite some time before I fell in love with it.

Then the passion never waned. I love what it does to my body, to my mind, to my heart. I love the atmosphere of a gym, almost any gym, the darker and dirtier the better!

So I have many things to explore now, and they are all in the gym, I will be going in everyday as usual.

Competing? I am a competitor! Once a competitor, always a competitor.

The only difference between my current competition, and the NPC competitions that I usually participate in, is this time, I am the only competitor.

This song from Pink called 18 Wheeler is one of my favorites, the video depicts how I feel right now, beat up, angry, relentless and ready to take on anyone who dares get in my way.

You can't keep me down.

Email subscribers will need to navigate directly to the blog to view the video, please do and turn up your speakers, so you can understand exactly what I am feeling.

Gym Talk

 

I don't have time to talk in the gym, or I guess I should say I don't make time to. That doesn't seem to stop people from talking to me though!

It was Saturday morning, leg day and one of my hardest sessions. I start with abs because I hate training abs, it seems like such a waste of time in my mind so it is very easy to wait until the end, then all of a sudden find I am out of time, so, I guess I can't train them.

Good excuse huh? So to prevent that I train the suckers first! See who is smarter now!

Then I move to my deadlifts. I must admit deadlifts are impressive to watch, and when a woman is doing them, they are even more impressive.

There is a fellow who talks to me every morning, just for a moment but I still have to pull the ear buds out of my ears to hear him. He is 70 or maybe even older. What does he say?

"I have the flat bench set up for you"

Every time I see him, which is about 4 days a week! Seems all he does is bench press on the smith. Probably a good place for a guy that age to do bench alone don't you think?

I rarely use the smith and when I do, it's not for bench. I just smile and thank him.

He is a plastic surgeon, the same one who said to me a few years ago:

"You should come see me. Your face should be in the same century as your body."

Guess he thinks I have a pretty smoking body, or a pretty nasty face. Maybe both, I am not sure. Anyway, he doesn't think he said anything wrong and he loves to comment on the changes my physique makes, telling me when he thinks I am looking better than other times. He even said once "Did you just tan? Looks good on you"

Today after he told me the flat bench was ready for me he wanted to talk about me again.

Doctor: "You're looking good"
Kristy: "That's cause I'm losing all my body fat"
Doctor: "Well don't lose the body"
Kristy: "No worries, I won't"

Then he asked me why he couldn't progress on his bench, not even a measly 5 pounds.

I pointed to my head and said "It's all in your head. You can progress, but your brain won't let you"

He said "really?" then went on to tell me a story from his youth about a big weight training guy who couldn't bench more than 290. ever (seems like an impressive amount to me though...perhaps he cannot accurately recall the weight).

So, since this was so long ago, before the common use of cell phones, this fellow got a call from his wife, so he had to rack the weight and go to the front desk to take the call. When he was gone, his buddies added more weight to the bar, bringing it over his max.

Seems he had no trouble pressing it up, he thought it was his regular weight.

I told him that I believe the story, I believe in the power of our brains as the strongest muscle we own. He nodded his head and said maybe I was right after all.

He then pointed to my loaded bar, told me he wanted to see me lift before he went. I already had my chalk on my hands, my straps dangling from my wrists and I plugged in my my ear buds.

I knocked out 10 deadlifts and put the bar down.

He had a huge smile on his face, said "Wow! Impressive! Now I can enjoy the rest of my day! Make sure you tell me when your show is, I wanna come see you!"

And off he toddled....

Things like this seem surreal to me and yet they motivate me in some sick and twisted way. It does seem an odd way to be motivated, but it makes me laugh and smile at the fact someone feels comfortable enough to make such personal comments to me, critique me, chat me up,  and I stand there and listen.

Then I lift.


Late Addition:

I need to append to this blog. I typically write them a few days in advance, as this one was. On Monday after work I pull into the gym parking lot to do my cardio and who do I see standing there but this doctor and some other fellow.

I had the top down and I shouted out "Hey, are you saving a parking space for me?!"  he waived and said "sure, hold on".


Then he walked over and looked at me and said "Are you the gal from the morning? What's your name?"

"Yes" I replied, "It's Kristy, I look a little better when I go to work" and he just looked at me and then went to his car. As he pulled out, and I pulled in, I brought my window down and took off my sunglasses to thank him (the lot was completely full).

He looked at me again with a look of sheer awe and appeared dumbfounded. He then said "You're gorgeous! You are a knockout!!" "I will be here tomorrow"

I threw my head back and laughed loudly and thanked him, he drove off still looking a little shocked.

I changed and climbed up on the stairmill, smiling the entire time, feeling really good. I guess I don't need to carry that brown paper bag to put over my head any longer.

I broke my rib

Yes indeed. I thought I had an oblique strain and boy was I wrong! If you read my post yesterday I was discussing how injuries are a fact of life when you train hard.


Sometimes the facts of life and not very pleasant.

I know exactly what I did, and it was weight training. I felt and heard a "pop" when it happened, but went on with my training although it was a bit uncomfortable. I thought it was a muscle pull or tweak.

I have said many times that I am a beast and I am, I guess I don't know my own strength. I also have an extremely high pain threshold, so it takes a lot to make me cry or complain.

Tuesday night was very uncomfortable, and I couldn't go to the gym on Wednesday. Wednesday evening sleeping wasn't quite as bad, and I did go to the gym on Thursday but all I did was some cardio, and slow cardio at that.

Thursday was a holiday for me and I had a facial and hair appointment, and I planned to get a lot of things done in between, along with driving out to  the hospital to see my father. But it didn't happen that way, the pain became very intense, sometimes waves of nausea came over me, especially as I attempted to get into or out of my car. Even grocery shopping hurt.

At one point I  couldn't get out of my car because of the pain and I sat there and cried, in pain and frustration.

The facial felt wonderful, and afterward I called to see if my doctor could see me, I explained the situation and they had me come in.

He sorta of laughed when he walked into the examining room and said "OK, what happened this time?"

I explained what I did, the pain, the symptoms and he felt it. I asked if it was likely I broke a rib weight training and he said "Typical no, but you are not a typical person, and you don't do typical things, so we should have an x-ray. It is more likely you tore an intercostal, but it would feel the same as a fractured rib."

He gave me orders along with a prescription for vicodin and I zoomed off, the radiologist was closing in 10 minutes! Good thing I have a super fast car. I got there at 4:59, they closed at 5:00.

X-rays were taken and they were to have the radiologist write the report and fax it to my doctor first thing Friday morning. I guess he felt sorry for me, my doctor called my cell before I even got home, and I only live 7 miles away.

I broke my 10th rib, that's a small baby one near the bottom of the rib cage. But baby or full grown, it hurts like a son of a gun!

I asked him when I could go back to the gym and his response was:

"Unless you make a miraculous recovery, it will be 4 to 6 weeks."

Again, for the second time that day I sat in my car and cried, only this time I cried a lot longer.

So what's the picture above have to do with a broken rib?

David came home and I was standing doing dishes, and crying yet again. I can't train, I will lose all my hard earned muscle, I will get fat.


And I cannot compete in May as I planned.

So I went out and had a cheeseburger, french fires and a glass of Pinot Noir.

And I cried, yet again.

Physique Changes

I am going to the gym after work three days a week now, to fit in the dreaded cardio. I don't have time in the morning, and while I still run my 300 stairs and jump rope 300 times at lunch, that is not quite enough to drop all the fat, it only take about 15 minutes so three days a week I am training three times a day, and the other days it's just twice.

I am only there 20 minutes, not hours like many others are. Darn it is crowded at night though and what a scene! People are there to socialize, check each other out, cruise, it's is a mad house and every machine is taken.

About a week ago I was feeling a little blue about everything, I go through that a few times as I get closer to a competition. Wondering why on earth I put myself through all this; why I make my family go through it all; why don't I just enjoy the gym, eat some good food and relax?

I talked to a friend, one who isn't competing this year and ask her what made her decide and tried to get a little advice. She asked me the same questions I ask myself, and she was straight up about it all. I was 7 weeks out, I have come this far just do it and then think about it.

She asked why I haven't ever gone to the Nationals or the USA's, I have qualified two years in a row, but I just don't think I am ready. I don't think I can compete with the other women I see in the NPC magazine. I deserve to according to the judges, but how would I do? My mind needs to be convinced before I would do that.

She is right of course. 7 weeks is nothing, it will be gone before I realize it. Then I can enjoy the time off for a short while or a long while, it's my decision.

So I changed into my running shorts, grabbed my jump rope and headed out in the cold, blustery wind, it was really, really cold (for California) and I didn't feel like going out in skimpy little Nike compression shorts, but I did.

I then had my lunch, finished work and drove to the gym for session three of the day, wanting to just go home and eat my soup.

The gym was packed, a nut house. I changed and climbed up on a stairmill, and started listening to a podcast that I had not yet finished from Sunday's cardio.

I then started looking around. I thought about myself and realized I do look quite good, better than most everyone I see there, with the exception of the woman in the pink tank but she was definitely not original parts if you know what I mean, refurbished from tip to toe. Nice looking but, just that look that isn't quite right, anywhere.

I looked over at the woman on the stairmill next to me and  she thought I had heard what she and her friend (standing on the ground in front of her had said), she looked a little alarmed. I pulled out my ear buds and told her I couldn't hear a thing, I had my sound up too loud, she laughed and was pleased.

Her friend said she liked my shirt, I thanked her and said I was about to take it off (I get really hot) so off it went. I get some disturbed looks at the gym when I do that with the afternoon/evening crowd, the morning folks are used to it. I do have a bra top on.

I finished up, went down to the locker room and that same woman was in there doing her hair and we have a conversation like this:

Woman: "I love that shirt, where did you get it?"
Me: turning around and showing her the back of my black t-shirt that says:

Good Girls Tone
Bad Girls Lift

"Thanks, I do too. I got it here, (company name is on the back) but they are out of business. I had a coach who told me I had to have it"
Woman: "You getting ready for a show?"
Me: "Yes, I have 7 weeks" (interesting she knew, most people have no clue about competing)
Woman: "Bodybuilding or Fitness?"
Me: "Figure"
Woman: "Well you look good."
Me: "Thanks, I am thinking this one, I will be 50 and then this will be the last. But who knows, I may end up doing July, then October, then next thing you know I am on a diet for a year again"
Woman: "50" You look good!"

Then as I left I started thinking "Bodybuilding or Fitness" ??? Have I gotten too muscular? I can't tell. She didn't think I was in Figure, she thought I was either big and bulky (bodybuilder) or tight and boxy (Fitness). I don't have a trainer to tell me, I only have myself and I see myself every single day, over and over.

Will the judges say I am too big? Wondering, I walked out, feeling good, I am glad I came. But still thinking, "am I too big now?"

What do you think?

Hospitals and Gyms

My father was scheduled to have surgery at Stanford Hospital on Friday, and the surgery was supposed to last 6 to 6 1/2 hours, so I made sure to bring a good long book. This is a textbook, I enjoy reading textbooks on training because I know I will be reading about scientifically proven methodology, not something that once worked for some fitness model and is now "the best method" as stated in a woman's magazine.

William J. Kraemer and Steven J Fleck are two of the world's leading experts on strength training. Although at times some of the parts of the book are rather dry (it is required reading after all), the parts are important to understand training as a whole.

Thursday prior to the surgery we were meeting with many of the surgeons (we met 4 of the 6 anesthesiologists!) and I was having a conversation with one about ...steroids. We were sitting around waiting for technicians to perform tests for my father and this fellow hung around to chat.

I was telling him how great my cholesterol levels were and how high my HDL is, he countered saying that women have the benefit of estrogen to keep their HDL levels high. I told him how my physician insisted on checking my levels all the time, to be sure my supplements weren't "tainted". Steroids will screw up your cholesterol. He agreed and he said this: "male bodybuilders have horrible HDL levels".

Now he didn't say "some" so in his mind all bodybuilders take steroids. Just a little tid bit of information as to the world's perceptions of bodybuilders.

But that was Thursday, as we pre-registered (sort of like a race) and met all the physicians, it would be a fairly involved procedure, actually, two of them.

So, on Friday as I sat in the surgery waiting area, I couldn't read or think, they had a live band playing blues! Here is the flyer for the band:

Now I thought that was very nice to have live music, but it seemed rather odd to me to have a loud band blasting music as people waited for their loved ones to come out of surgery. Rather over the top wouldn't you say? My brother called me from Barcelona and I had to walk all the way to the end of the corridor just to get out of range of this howling band.

Stepping back to the morning.....I had arrived there at 5:00 am and stayed with my father until they took him away at 7:15 so I thought I would zip back home and go to the gym, shower then go back to the hospital.

I arrived at the gym at 8:00 and had never seen it so crowded, I don't typically come at that hour and on a week day to boot. I noticed an awful lot of finely coiffed and dressed ladies, a gal I see in the early mornings calls them the LTL (Ladies That Lunch) and I was dumbfounded by the amount of plastic surgery I could see.

Hmm, I didn't seem to fit in very well, especially with the bulging biceps and skimpy workout clothes, I got more than my share of looks. But, several waves later and lots of" Hey your late!" "What are you doing here at this hour?" and I felt better, I just got into my training, it was back and biceps day.

I finished my training and walked out to go home to shower and get back to the hospital and what do I see in the parking lot? This and I started laughing out loud:

My gym has hot coffee in the rain and free valet parking! What a riot!  I asked the attendants if I could take this and they scrambled out of the way.

As I got in my car, still laughing about the valet parking, I realized it's not just my gym, it's my community, it's my world.

Even though I make fun of my world, I realize I am very lucky to be able to do the things I want, I live in a great community and am surrounded by wonderful people and I have a multitude of opportunities.

The world, no matter how silly or frivolous, is my oyster.