What do you fear? (Fitness Blog World Post)

 

My first blog for Fitness Blog World

This took a lot of thinking, I don’t believe that I am afraid of anything, I feel invincible, and I can accomplish whatever I want. I have no fears.

Actually I am afraid of spiders, in fact, I had a car once, a red (I love red cars) Mazda RX3 and I went to get in one day and saw a huge spider web running from the steering wheel to a spot in the roof. I screamed and jumped away, and told David I would never, ever get in the car again, and I didn’t. I sold it. And I never even saw the spider….

Seriously though, I fear becoming obsessed. I have seen way too many people fall into it. And at what point do I decide I am obsessed? It’s subjective really. Many people now call me obsessive, others think I am not and I think it all depends on what your own world looks like, what lenses you are looking through.

Once I started to compete, I grew to love my competition body. To see myself so lean and tight, with beautiful, full muscles, and no fat anywhere is amazing, running my hand along my flat, tight stomach still thrills me, every inch of my body feels good actually, it’s surreal.

Yes the body feels as good as it looks. And the tan, the dark painted skin when just applied is amazing, my natural blond long hair against the dark skin, like a chocolate palomino horse.

I even start to like the feel of hunger, it’s hard to describe, but I never feel full, I always feel somewhat empty, yet that means I am leaning out, I am getting tighter, I am not fat.

Sounds a little sick huh?

I get there in my head though, and I think I have to so I am able to go through it, I have to get into a zone. It’s not easy because if it were, everyone would do it, and not many do, at least not more than once.

After a competition it is difficult for me to accept my “normal” body, and even my “normal” body knocks the socks off most everyone around me.  I slowly start to adjust, sometimes it takes me longer than other times, sometimes it is fairly quick, but there is always adjustment.

I look at myself so critically, one small jiggle and I start to freak out. Thankfully, once I start adding more weight back, I do grow to like my bigger self, but that worry is still there.

The world of Figure competitions can turn ugly quickly. I have seen many a woman build her whole life around it only to have it shatter in a thousand pieces in front of her when she finally realizes she won’t be a “pro” or won’t get a supplement endorsement, a magazine cover, become a famous model. It can be like the pursuit of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It just doesn't exist.

Food becomes an enemy, many develop eating disorders, and life with others is impossible. I see them on Facebook, they never speak of anything else but their diet, their training, how hungry they are, how tired they are. Who wants to hear this? No one does.

So people eventually stop listening, they pull away.

I make a conscious effort not to talk about my diet, my training, any of it unless someone asks. And they always ask! Guys at the gym will come up and say “You’re getting ready for a competition huh? I can see you are leaning out.” I just tell them yes and leave it at that.

I fear that I won’t be well adjusted at some point and I could develop an eating disorder or body dysmorphia.  I fear that I will become obsessed with the "competition” look and dislike myself when I look normal. I fear losing my loved ones because I place my competitions and diet ahead of their wants and needs.

I fear that I will become a shallow person who thinks that this is what I need to be all the time, a competitor, and really, it’s all just a make believe game, a show, a production.

I fear that I will not be able to enjoy wine with friends, eat a cheeseburger and fires without feeling guilt, or enjoy vacation like a normal person.

These fears always make me second guess prepping for another competition, will this be the one where I never turn back? Will this be the one that causes me to lose all sight of what life is really about? Will this be the one that sets me up for disaster?

Although I have these fears that nag me, I believe I have successfully avoided it all for several reasons. I  have a family that loves and supports me, thick or thin, fat or lean.  I have friends who have the same interest and some who do not. I have an outlet, my blog which allows me to write about my life, my hopes, my fears, my ups and downs, my diet and training, and all the fun adventures I pack in every single day.

I also think the main reason is that I do this for health. I started out to be healthy, to be fit, and to live a long and enjoyable life. I also love the study of how it all works, the science, the research, and the data.

And I really love to lift weights!

Oh, and I also also believe my wacky sense of humor, ability to laugh at myself and desire to experience everything I possibly can helps keep me sane. (Can you read my shirt? It says "Charm School Reject"....)

I didn't start running, weight training and eating healthy so I could compete in Figure, it just became the next logical step in my personal progression, my own growth; and just as it drifted in at the moment it was right for me, it will leave my life when it again feels right. 


And I will have all those plastic gold trophies to remind me of the fun, yet frightening experience it was.

Be sure to visit Fitness Blog World and my sisters in writing, they have all written about their fears today and I know you will enjoy their experiences.

My Second Trainer- SC

SC stands for Strength Coach. I am not showing you his picture, I am not saying where he works, nor will I reveal his name. You can take a look at his ear though.....

He never should have been training me and I don’t want to jeopardize anything he has going on right now, simple as that.

I met SC in 2007. I was looking for a qualified RKC and we connected via email. I arranged to come by his facility and meet with him. I will never forget the day I walked in there, oh the place was wonderful, absolutely huge with Olympic platforms, racks, free weights, glute ham raises and really, really loud music.

I stood in front of him, all 125 pounds of me and told him pointedly:

“I don’t need someone to motivate me, I don’t need a coach, I don’t need anyone to show me what to do. I  know the basics of kettlebells, I just want to master them and learn more about them so I don’t injure myself.” I kinda thought I was all that.

He was big, not a lot taller than me, but a big, buff, young guy. He smiled; we talked a bit longer and came to an agreement.

We started training on Friday afternoons, just like I do with Roy.  The very first time we trained he asked me to show him what I knew. Immediately he stopped me and corrected my transition when changing hands with a one hand swing. “Never change in the back” he said.

So much for the “training” I received at Courtside.

I became quite good, I learned everything. Turkish get-ups, suitcase deadlifts, one hand swings, two hand swings, snatches, we went for speed, we went for volume.

He had big bowls of chalk. I loved to walk up and plop my hands in it, then smack my butt so I had two nice hand prints there.  I would get huge calluses, my hands would bleed. He was very caring, when the blood was really bad he would follow me into the kitchen as I rinsed my hands, then squirt liquid dish soap on them and say “wash ‘em!” ha ha

One day as we sat in his office he looked at me and said “Kristy, I have taught you everything I know. You are good, really good. You could be an instructor yourself. You would easily pass the RKC test. I can’t teach you anything else”

I said “Then teach me all you know about strength training. I want to learn”

So began a three year odyssey.

I learned to deadlift. I learned squats. I learned to do pull ups with a kettlebell strapped to my waist. I pushed a prowler in the hot sun on artificial turf.  I still carry my cute black patent leather cleats in my car, just in case I get to push a prowler again. 

I swung a sledge hammer with football players in the hot sun in a sand pit, smacking a huge tire, sweat dripping into my eyes, clothes soaking wet.

I would swing those bells, at the end of each session usually 10 sets of 10, heavy ones too, each time blood blisters would form.  I slammed leather med balls against the ground while on my knees, I learned to do eccentric chin ups for much longer than anyone would want to every think about.

I learned all the words to 2pac’s music.

I learned the Olympic lifts. Clean and jerk, hang cleans, snatches. It was scary heaving the barbell up like that and actually letting it drop. It was fun to watch it bounce. SC used to compete in Olympic lifting, he knew what he was doing.

We would train for a couple hours sometimes, I loved it. After each session I would go to the locker room and take a long shower, and then we would talk in his office. I told him that I really want to understand what makes it all work. So he gave me a text book to read. He expected me to read then report back what I thought of the theory, of the data. What was this book?

Science and Practice of Strength Training by Vladimir M. Zatsiorsky and William J. Kraemer.  I ended up buying my own and have read it two more times, it is that complicated. It is a college textbook and not cheap.

I ended up reading countless books and e-books he gave me, and we would discuss them as we found time.

I then became his “guinea pig”.  We tried experimental things such as isometric training, sessions of high volume, sessions of heavy weights. He would write up a new program every few weeks. The first time we would go through the exercises and make sure I knew what they were, we would set weights then I would record my training the rest of the week. The following Friday I would come back and he would increase the expected weights for the next week.

At one point I started to get pretty ripped, muscular and people kept asking me if I competed. Competed in what? I didn’t know what they meant, I thought there was only bodybuilding. I started to research it all. I told SC I was going to hire a nutritionist and I would consider competing. I told him I work my butt off and I want something to show for it, I want a goal to keep driving me forward.

He thought that was a good idea, but looked me in the eye and said “I hate bodybuilders!” that hurt me, but he then said that I wasn’t a bodybuilder, I knew more than any bodybuilder did.

I remember once I asked him if he went easy on me because I wasn’t one of his athletes, I was a woman and I was almost as old as his mother. He replied “Kristy, I expect the same from you as I do all my other athletes”. And he probably added something about stop whining and start lifting….

SC never had a good opinion of personal trainers; he said they gave Strength Coaches a bad name.  Strength Coaches have studied a long time, they have advanced degrees in the subject matter, and a personal trainer can just take an online course and pass an exam. This certainly doesn’t mean that there are not personal trainers out there who are not qualified, but I would get an idea of their training and background before committing to them.

SC is probably one of the smartest people I have ever met when it comes to strength training. 

To my knowledge, SC only trained one other “non-athlete” during those three years, a young guy as a favor to a friend, and then he had a 2 month stint with a group who wanted him to train them how to use kettlebells. Other than that, it was me and I still don’t really know why he agreed to do it or even continue it.

SC started checking my bodyfat weekly with a 9 site caliper test, I don’t think it ever went above 12% and when close to a competition, it would go as low as 4%.

In the first year with SC I started to compete in Figure and then brought a new trainer into my life, an IFBB Pro. I would end up training with both of them for about a year and a half. My fun and strength development was with SC, my “sculpting and posing” was with my Figure Pro. As I write about her, trainer #3, I may bounce back and forth between them a bit.

Later, after I had been working with my nutritionist (I will write about her later), some of his female athletes wanted to know how I looked the way I did. He said “ask her what she eats” I wrote up a few diets for some female athletes trying to drop some bodyfat.  

In the end, we had to discontinue our training, not that either one of us wanted to but circumstances forced us to. SC has taught me more than I could probably learn in a Kinesiology course in college; he gave me practical knowledge and shared his experiences with me. He taught me the importance of research, studies, books, data and gut wrenching hard work.  I would not be the person I am today had he never come into my life. 

Monday Morning Motivation

It seems so many people are always trying to make changes, they are never happy with what they have.

I think this is a good thing, I love change. I thrive on change. I have changed so many things in my life.

I am able to make drastic changes at any time, but its not that easy for everyone. Think about yourself and how comfortable you are with new things, with changes.

Don't set yourself up for failure, if you don't handle change well then ease into it.

I need sleep, and lots of it. I am a wreak if I don't get enough, and have even left work early because I didn't sleep well the night before, I just cannot function without it. 

But deciding to go to bed a couple hours early is fairly drastic, I mean I won't be able to fall asleep that early! So to make a huge change like that may not work, and then the entire thing backfires. Sometimes small changes are just what you need, small changes over a longer period of time.

Like when you toss and turn at night, and all you need to do is to turn the pillow over so the cool side is against your cheek, then everything is OK.

If you aren't where you want to be, you need to change. You must change your diet, your exercise, your job, your hobbies. But think about how much you can handle at once, and think about baby steps.

"We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden."

`Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change."

`Charles Darwin 

"To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often."

`Winston Churchill 

"One must never lose time in vainly regretting the past nor in complaining about the changes which cause us discomfort, for change is the very essence of life."

`Anatole France

"In the power to change yourself is the power to change the world around you."

`Anwar Sadat 

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

`Mahatma Gandhi

"The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn ... and change."

`Carl Rogers

"Be bold. Be confident. Be alive. A gallery of possibilities awaits for you when you make change your friend."

`Bob Bone

Illuminated Keyboard

I drive David crazy...with my typing. 

My computer is in the living room, so the big screen TV (which I have no idea how to operate, seriously) is right behind me. David will sit on the couch and try to watch TV while I tip, tap, type away all night long...

Argh!

Today he went to Fry's and bought me the quietest, illuminated keyboard he could find.  I thought the illuminated part was a waste of money. 

But it is now dark, and my keyboard is all lit up! I love it!


And it has a great BIG delete key too! ha ha ha

He was in the kitchen on his laptop (Mac) and I sent him an email..."can you hear me typing?" I asked...."No" he said "Type away!".

I have vowed not to eat my egg whites while typing...at least for a while. I think they got stuck in the old keyboard. Yuck!

All My Men in One Day

I am happy, I mean wouldn't you be if your butt and legs looked like this? I started working with Roy a couple months ago and my initial goal was legs, get 'em big, get 'em strong. Big quads and full round hamstrings. It's working!


And the butt, it looks great! Stacey saw me this morning and remarked "your legs are getting huge! And your butt is one big round muscle!"

Friday we did German Volume Training, front squats again, but he said we would superset this time with hamstring curls. Not your regular ones laying on a machine, but ones using the squat rack. 

The curls are performed by hanging from the harnesses most folks slip their arms into to do ab work, then a med ball is gripped with my feet (10 pounds) and the glutes contracted, then squeezed tight and the ball is brought up to my butt, well as far up as I can get it.

Up fast and lowered slowly, count of four. Roy said if I maintain a tight core I won't swing and he is right. 

So, still at the 100 pound front squats, we will be doing 10 sets of 10 again, 90 second rest superset with 10 sets of 6 hamstring curls. 

Halfway through Roy says "Hey halfway done! Last week you were done at this time" I was a little blown away, I didn't see how I could really only be halfway through, but I quickly got over it and remembered I love doing this, but it is hard sometimes!

He said on Tuesday I need to do the same, but I should go up to 105 pound front squats (and remember, that's 100 of them) and switch to a 12 pound med ball.

Then I zipped home, met David and off to get my hair done at Atelier Aveda Lifestyle Salon. Natalia was going to give me an express blowout, a keratin treatment to straighten my hair for a couple months, she is wonderful and does a great job, I think my hair looks pretty cool in the picture above doesn't it?

While I was there Karie Bennett, founder of Atelier stopped by and chatted with me, Natalia does her hair too!

Then we topped by Yankee Pier for a bottle of Martanzas Creek Sauvignon Blanc, and some ceviche. All wines by the bottle are half price in the month of July.  All of Lark Creek restaurants offer this and it's great to sit in the sun and sip the wine as we watch the Ferraris cruise by. 

I finally told David, I will be competing on October 1. I wasn't quite sure how he would react, it's hard on him, harder on him than me I think and I don't want to be selfish.

He toasted me and said he was happy! Very happy that I took a year off, happy that I relaxed and gave myself time, happy that I am doing one show.

I promised not to start the diet till July 31, that way we can enjoy our time off. I will have 9 weeks which really is enough for me, I stay fairly lean year round and I tend to lose way too much body fat if I diet too long. 

We finished our wine, wandered around then off to get Cooper and Adam to go to Henry's Hi-Life for dinner, the boys love it. Actually, all men love this place, it's a very manly restaurant.

As soon as we got off the freeway, The Turtle fell apart (that's what I call David's mini, all our cars have names). A belt broke, coolant was spewing and a horrendous noise could be heard. We coasted right to a parking space and got out to survey the damage.

Luckily, Henry's was close by so we hoofed it to dinner, ordered a martini and had a great time. Prime rib all around except me, I had the ribs. When we finished we called AAA. Two trucks arrived quick quickly.

The small one took the boys home, then the flatbed took The Turtle, me and David to BR Racing, the guys who repair all of our automobiles.

Cooper zipped over in The Sweet Little GTI (his car) and took us home.

I realized I have been in two different tow trucks in one week! Quite the adventure. 

In Between Trainers (2007)

Once I realized I was on my own, and wouldn't have a trainer, I actually developed my own routine quite quickly.

The gym opened at 4:30 am and I was there 5 days a week before they opened. The gal who worked the front actually gave me the code to the key box in case she was late for some reason, so I could enter the code, get the key and open the door.

I would wake up at 3:30 am (yeah I got kind of fanatical) and then run to the gym! It was 4 miles each way. I would put on one of those silly orange reflective vests, and off I went to the gym. Once I got there I lifted weights, then I put my cute little vest back on and ran the 4 miles home again. People teased me, people laughed, but who’s laughing now?

I started to read a lot, so I could understand what to do and what not to do. I read all the magazines but then I bought books. Most of them were about strength development, how the muscles worked, definitely not bodybuilding that was the furthest thing from my mind at the time.

I looked mainly at men’s strength training; I don’t believe women should train any differently than men should. I bought e-books, I bought videos, and I taught myself everything I didn’t learn from Baz.

I got very comfortable and felt I started to really know a lot. The diet was not anything I concentrated on, I just tended to eat a lot healthier than before and I gradually ate better, but it was not a focus of my life as it is now.

As you can see in the picture above, I was lean and fairly muscular, but not in a Figure competitor way, that takes a different type of training.

Then I had a problem, my gym was going to be sold yet again. I freaked out, as they said they would be remodeling and you know what that means! I also researched the company taking over who had one other gym and I was not impressed. Plus the name of the place was not very inspiring "Anastasia's Club Fit" what on earth was that?! I set out to find a new gym before they changed hands.

After locating all of the gyms within the distance from my home I would consider, I narrowed it down to the ones that opened no later than 5:00 am, which was really the latest I could train.

I then set out to visit them, there were only 4 of them and unfortunately since I live in a fairly upscale community, only one was a low cost “chain".

I ended up at the most expensive one, Courtside Club, but it really is a great place and I have come to call it home, I have been here now since 2007.

I can tell you all about why I didn’t choose the others but that isn’t the point.

I arrived at Courtside strutting in like I knew everything, but quickly felt out of place. This was no bodybuilders gym, in fact, most people didn’t even venture into the weight rooms, this a a club and the folks here like cardio best, or tennis.

I slowly developed friends among the morning crowd, a very friendly group of people indeed.

I started reading about kettlebells; I got several books by Pavel. Who is he? Here is a bit from Dragon Door:  Pavel Tsatsouline Master of Sports, is a former Soviet Special Forces physical training instructor who has been called "the modern king of kettlebells" for starting the Russian kettlebell revolution in the West.

In 1998 Pavel introduced the ancient Russian strength and conditioning tool to the American public in his subversive article, Vodka, Pickle Juice, Kettlebell Lifting, and Other Russian Pastimes. The article was published by MILO, a magazine for tough hombres who bend steel and lift rocks. When Pavel started getting mail from guys with busted noses, cauliflower ears, scars, or at least Hell's Angels tattoos his publisher took notice.

Several years later Dragon Door published Pavel's book Enter the Kettlebell! which became the golden standard in kettlebell instruction. It was followed by Return of the Kettlebell which introduced the most advanced Russian strength and muscle building techniques.

Pavel is a subject matter expert to the US Marine Corps, the US Secret Service, and the US Navy SEALs. A kettlebell in his fist, he was voted the 'Hot Trainer' by Rolling Stone and appeared in media ranging from Pravdato Fox News. Dr. Randall Strossen, one of the most respected names in the strength world, stated, "In our eyes, Pavel Tsatsouline will always reign as the modern king of kettlebells since it was he who popularized them to the point where you could almost found a country filled with his converts…"

I also have books by the above mentioned Dr. Randall Strossen…Anyway, Courtside didn’t have any kettlebells, I thought this was crazy! So I decided to buy some of my own and teach myself.

Well, if you have ever seen anyone try to use KB’s that hasn’t, you know they are not as easy as they appear. I asked the Fitness Director at Courtside if I could keep my KB’s there, in the trainer’s room and use them when I was at the gym. That’s was fine and worked well until they sometimes locked the door and I couldn’t get to my own equipment! I also decided I needed a trainer so I asked who in their huge cadre of trainers knew about KB’s. I was steered toward a woman (no longer there) and purchased 10 very expensive sessions with her.

“KB Trainer” said she knew what she was doing, well, she wasn’t certified, had never had any formal training and basically taught herself KB’s…the wrong way.

After that expensive lesson I started searching for a qualified instructor. I went to the Dragon Door website and emailed every RKC (Russian Kettlebell Certified) in San Jose. The conversations went back and forth quite a bit and I finally arrived at a choice: SC (Strength Coach) who would go on to train me for about three years.

Soon: My second trainer, “SC”

Oh, Courtside now has two full sets of kettlebells including "the beast"

Fitness Blog World

Welcomes me!

Oh isn't this exciting!? I have been accepted as a member of an organized group of wonderfully dedicated, talented, passionate women who write about fitness. 

Oh I am not explaining this well. Of course there are many, many organized women who write about fitness. This group is different.

Fitness Blog World is a site where women share their passion for life, and somehow it all includes fitness. Every few weeks we will write on the same topic, to be posted on the same day.


I will indicate in my blog that it is a Fitness Blog World post so you will know to go visit the site for other's views or experiences on the same topic.

This means you will see several different writers, share several different views and ideas on the same topic, on the same day. Of course, the numbers in our group could grow!


Humor is interspersed occasionally throughout, some are very serious and some are not so serious, some write about competing, some about eating, some about losing weight, but in each the heart, soul, passion and dedication clearly shine through.

It's sort of like being in my own Flash Mob Dance at my computer! (email subscribers will need to navigate to the blog to view this video)

Join me in our dance, have fun, get excited, learn from all of us!


I encourage you to take a look at all of their sites, find one or many that move you, get involved and share our world with us. My first post for FBW will be next week, the first week of July.


You can also subscribe to FBW so that each time we have a shared posting, you will be notified.