Body and Soul

The boys were out of town for the weekend, I was on my own. Ah sweet nothingness! Actually I never do "nothing",  I feel like I will miss something in life. What would I do while they were gone? The same thing I do when they are here, only louder and with light! ha ha

I woke up at the crack of dawn and turned lights on! It was great to be able to walk around and see as I got ready for the gym. I met Maria for a while and we trained legs and glutes...I then went home and cooked my food for the upcoming week, chicken, beef, and lots of vegetables since I got two CSA deliveries. Virginia went out of town so she asked if I wanted hers, and I always get a delivery at work. I have enough produce for a family of 10 now. Good, I am cutting starches way back and will need the vegetables.

Stacy and I went to the San Jose Jazz Festival and wandered, people watching. She and I are more alike than I had realized. When she says "should I bring food?" I know that means her own particular meals, it won't be crackers, cheese, chips or junk.

When I say "let's get a drink" she knows that means water.

We both schedule our lives around our training and food prep, and we understand that about each other. 

I was feeling good as I walked through the crowds of people, and it really shows when you feel good about yourself. 

A man smiles at me and says "nice tan!" I am not tan, but I may look tan. I have had basal cell cancer, I use tanning lotion, tanning is for fools. But I also have a trick: Body Bling. The gold bottle is for blonds, it gives a beautiful golden color; the black bottle is darker, it gives a more tan color, sometimes I mix them.

Body Bling makes your skin look like a golden statue, it's amazing. I put it on my legs and it transforms plain legs to glistening works of art. Even Stacy asked me about my tan....


A woman and man at a booth selling drinks waved me over. She leaned out and said "Your arms are amazing! He was going on and on about your arms and I told him I am trying to work on mine but we wanted to see you up close!" I smiled and laughed and waved as I walked away.


We walked on, towards the blues stage, I wanted to see Eric Lindell.


A woman looks at me and says "You have a beautiful body!" and her friend turns to look and says "Uh huh, I noticed she sure does!"


I smile and thank them and walk on. I tell Stacy it happens all the time, almost everyday, I just don't get it. "It all makes the hard work worth it though." I told her, she agreed.  


A couple guys talk to me, I haven't the heart to tell them I am older than their mother..or maybe they don't care?


We talked and joked with the police on every corner, they sure were friendly! 


A guy asks if Stacy and I are single, they are having a dating show for single women. I tell him we are single for a couple hours, we have no time for his show. He laughs and agrees. As we walk away I laugh and tell her that we don't need a show to find a date anyway! We both bust out in laughter and people wonder what we have been drinking...

We enjoy the music and watch the people, pointing out the beautiful bodies to one another. I like to look at beautiful bodies. We critique and comment about what appears to be original parts and what is "refurbished". We talk about how some could improve in certain areas with proper training or a modified diet. 


We spend a long time watching a woman dancing by herself. We wonder if it is drugs or just a very free spirit. She certainly was having a good time and danced beautifully. She left when the music stopped, we assumed to spread her joy elsewhere. 


We left, driving home with the top down, each would go home to more cooking and planning, we run our schedules the same it seems. 


I felt good, I felt wonderful to relax, to have all my hard work recognized by strangers, to enjoy the festival completely straight but high on life. 


And to be in the company of a wonderful person who values the same things in life I do, hard training, physical activity, great healthy food; and the curiosity of what makes people tick.


I started cooking again, went to bed early and planned to get plenty of rest for my next long day at the gym. Sunday would be back day, and I planned to turn the lights on and make some noise when I got out of bed!

How Do You Maintain Fitness through Adversity (Fitness Blog World post)

This is a Fitness Blog World post. All 21 writers in the group are to write about this topic:

"How do you maintain your fitness and healthy lifestyle through adversity? When "life happens", how do you keep going and stay committed to your goals?"

I have not had something horrible happen to me such as losing my home to a disaster, a major injury, loss of my job, nothing that was directly involving me. I have had several loved ones suffer through many illnesses, and have lost two parents in the last two and a half years though. That can pretty much put anyone into a tailspin.

My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer several years ago, they removed a third of her lung, a horrible surgery that involved breaking many ribs to complete. I know about having just one broken rib, it is excruciating.

Mom went through 4 years of chemo and radiation. Luckily she lived 4 miles from my house. My step father had his own struggles dealing with this horrible illness and needed assistance. Many of the care giving duties fell to me and my younger sister, we both lived close by. It became routine, my sister Karen and I would go to each all day infusion, make cheeseburger and milkshake runs for mom and sit and joke all day as she was treated.

For years, life revolved around doctor and hospital visits, medication and new physical discoveries, as all people react differently to such powerful medications. We did a few things we had always wanted to do, just in case we didn't get another chance. I am glad we did.

Hair would fall out, and hair would grow back. Fingernails too.

In the end, my sister and I were her primary caregivers. We called in hospice, we needed advice, we needed help. Just how much morphine should you give a person, how do you know when they are in pain if they cannot speak or move? How do you wash them without hurting them and then ensure they don't get bedsores?

She needed morphine and other pain medication every hour on the hour, 24 hours a day. We fired the night care giver because she "let her sleep" instead of giving her the medication, so it was up to us. We learned that fluttering of the eyelashes means the patient is in pain, give them more morphine, right away.

We took turns sleeping at her home. I would sleep by her side and the kitchen timer would wake me every hour through the night to give her pain medication and I could swab her mouth. In the morning an aide would come to relieve me, and my step father was there so he could make sure the medication was given on time.

As soon as the caregiver arrived, I would go to the gym. Then I would return to my mother's and sometimes work from her home or go into the office. I did the shopping, my husband did a huge amount also, my son helped.

Yes I was tired, I was an emotional wreak, but I did what I had to do to maintain my own sanity. I never missed one day at the gym and I adhered to my diet everyday.

My mom died at home, where she should be. I prepared her body, hospice said they didn't do that, my brother and sister couldn't, they just couldn't. I dressed her in a favorite dress, and some jewelry she liked and said goodbye one last time to a beautiful woman.  

Shortly after that my step father became very ill and was hospitalized and non verbal and not aware of anything for over a week. My sister and I took turns caring for him there, he was at Kaiser and the nurses didn't have time to feed him or change the bedding very often, it could be hours. We would take turns spoon feeding him, making sure he had clean bedding if necessary and watching over him. We got to know the nurses and doctors, we knew where all the supplies were.

I would go to and from work, and I never missed a day at the gym, and I adhered to my diet everyday.

My mother in law died in February of this year when I was on vacation in Mexico. We flew home as soon as we could and visited my father in law a few times, he lives a few hours away. 

Even on the day I went to the funeral home I went to the gym first. I never missed one day at the gym and I adhered to my diet everyday.

This is my dad, and if you have been following my blog for a while, you have seen these pictures. Last year he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer and underwent chemotherapy (below is his certificate of completion from the nurses!), radiation and ultimately a very invasive surgery. He pulled through better than they hoped! 

His surgery was at Stanford, about 30 miles from my home. He came there as it was not only a great hospital but it was close to us. We drove back and forth everyday to visit him, he was there for 10 days. I updated all his friends via email everyday with entertaining stories of his progress. I made several 70 and 80 year old friends! I would go to and from work, and I never missed a day at the gym, and I adhered to my diet everyday. 

Below he is goofing off as we (his kids) all hung out at his house, contemplating "do we make brownies or something else?" As you can see, he didn't really care, "just give it to me!"

My brother flew in from Barcelona and stayed a month to help take care of him, and would call me and tell me how crotchety dad was!  I guess he had a right to be though huh?

When I visited him and stayed a while, we all had the discussion of his possible death sooner than we had planned, I went to the gym everyday and I adhered to my diet.

A couple weeks ago his doctor told him he now has stage IV cancer, and statistically has 1 to 2 years left. Now, he could live another 20 (actually unlikely given his age already), or he could live 3 months, it's a statistic only.

I have a feeling that the next several months or years may prove to be challenging, for my father and for the people who love him. I am ready, and so is he.

This post isn't about dying though, it's about living, and how do we live when there are people around us dying? How do we keep it together and go to the gym when adversity strikes?

I believe we all handle adversity the same way we handle life. It just depends on how you look at the adversity. Do you look it in the eye and wave the red shawl, like a bullfighter to the bull? Or do you look away and run scared?

I have a commitment to live my life to it's fullest. I don't feel it is selfish, I feel it is generous. For me to be a whole person, to give all that I give, I need to take care of myself, especially when taking care of those around me.  For me to be able to be the "Rock of Gibraltar" I must do what I need to keep me sane, and that is eating right and exercising, every single day. Falling apart will help no one, and in fact, will make matters worse.

Something probably needs to slide though, and we all decide just what that something will be.  For me it was never the gym, nor my healthy eating. The house was a mess, so big deal. I got less sleep, I lived. I didn't really do anything fun, it was all about balancing the needs of myself and others, skip the entertainment for a while. 

I think you need to ask yourself the question:

Are you dying to live?

Or are you living to die?

Think  about it.

How many times have you said you would do something "tomorrow" or would start a program "in a while"? Are you waiting to lose weight before you buy yourself a new dress, wear a bikini, or get a piercing? 

Are you putting off a training or weight loss program because you feel your life is too hectic right now? 

What if you don't have tomorrow? Adversity is everywhere, and we all react to the many degrees of it differently. 

A couple years ago I was chatting on Skype with my younger brother. He lives in Barcelona and has for years. I don't get to see him often. I moved out of the house when I was in high school, he was only 11, so I missed him growing up, I wasn't there.

He has grown to be a man I love very much, and I would want to know him even if he weren't my relative.

As we talked, he told me he was spending the summer in Paris and studying at the Sorbonne. David walked up behind me and slipped a note in front of me. "Go visit your brother in Paris" it said.

And I did. I had a competition and two days later boarded a plane, all by myself to Paris for 10 glorious days with my brother. Here we are on one of our everyday lunch stops at a small restaurant, drinking way too much wine.

All my adult life I wanted a pair of Christian Louboutin Very Prive pumps but they were too damn expensive. About 6 months ago I told myself "I am 50 years old. What am I waiting for, till I am 80 when I finally believe I can afford them and then I cannot even walk in them?"

Here are my shoes in all their glory and I love them. Every time I wear them I feel fantastic, I should have bought them 20 years ago! Oh, and I am buying some in a very nice cream color soon.

Are you waiting to go on vacation "when you have time"? What about finally getting that crazy haircut? You know, it grows back...even after chemo.

I have been wanting to go to the Poliquin Institute and become certified. Not that I plan to be a trainer, but I want to do it for myself, because I am worth it and I believe in learning, I am hungry to learn.

David looked at me the night we heard about my Dad's cancer return and he  said "What are you waiting for? Go!".

What are YOU waiting for?

LIFE is Like a FLUTE ….

It May Have Many Holes And Emptiness

But

If You Work On It Carefully

It Can Play

MAGICAL MELODIES

`Rishika Jain

Please take the time to visit the other writers from Fitness Blog World and share their experiences. 

Stanford Cancer Center

I spent some time today at the Cancer Center at Stanford Hospital. It certainly is a beautiful facility. I mean, it is several stories high, lots of windows and light, they even had a pianist in the lobby and valet parking.

Unfortunately, everyone there is there for one reason, either they, or a loved one has cancer.

My sister and I went with my father to meet with the surgeon who will perform his surgery. We had questions, and he had answers, not necessarily exactly what we wanted to hear each time, but still, answers.

We have gone through this before, with my mother.  There are things you feel proud to be an "expert" at, but cancer is not one of those things.

I looked around the waiting room, scanning the faces of the people. There were old people, middle aged people and some young ones. Cancer does not discriminate, it likes everyone, the rich, the poor, the fit, the not so fit.

No one has control over whether they may be a victim of cancer or not, but we all have control over how we can ensure that we are able to respond well if we do get it. We all have control over our general health, our lives are actually in our own hands.

I started thinking about my health, how I treat my body, how I have grown to value this amazing piece of machinery, that does whatever I ask of it, and hardly complains. What would happen if I no longer had this body? If I were to become ill?  I don't think we think of things like this until we are faced with the possibility. Sometimes it has to smack us right across the cheek before we listen.

Studies have proven that those who exercise regularly don't get sick as often as "regular" folk. I have been told that I have more NK (Natural Killer) cells than the average person, in part because of the amount of exercise I do, and have been doing for many, many years. Because I have more NK cells, I don't get sick, really, ask anyone who knows me.

We should all exercise every single day. We are living beings, not robots and are meant too move and expend energy. No one should ever come home from work and plop down on the sofa, unless of course they work performing physical labor or got a good hour of exercise in before work!

Besides regular, strenuous exercise what else should you do? Don't smoke, even 'just occasionally". I am blown away at how many young people smoke. Can the world be any more in your face about how stupid smoking is? No! Yet I see young people lighting up, they think they look cool? They not only look un-cool, but stupid.

Eat right. You all know what that means. You may not know how to eat to drop all your body fat, like I do for a competition, but that is a whole different world, and frankly, I don't even think it's that healthy!  It certainly isn't a diet you can live with.

You should eat a balanced diet. What the heck IS a balanced diet anyway? It means that you don't go off on some idiotic fad diet that cuts whole food groups out! Potato chips and beer are not food groups by the way...

Eat fruit, nuts, vegetables, grains, lean meats, lean poultry, fish, low fat dairy. The obvious things.

Don't poison your body with drugs and alcohol. I know, an occasional glass of wine is fine, but I am talking about "pickling" yourself. 

You body is amazing, it will serve you well if you treat it right. If you are one of those who should make some changes, do it now before it's too late.

Consider yourself just slapped, across that right cheek. It may sting, but you will remember it for a long time.

Place of Pain

This is my credenza at work. A co-worker bequeathed the DIVA sign to me, and I brought in many of my trophies, I just don't have that much room at home for all of them. There is also a very cute little sign in front of the DIVA plate that my last Director, Susan Hansen gave me. It says "Do it now for tomorrow it may be illegal". Sounds like a great boss huh?!

I was looking at these trophies thinking about them, and what I will do with them soon, as I cannot just keep them there forever. It also made me think about why I started competing, and I realized that I embarked on this journey out of pain.

My mother died at home of lung cancer on February 2, 2009 after a very long struggle and many years of chemotherapy. I met with my nutritionist, and changed my life forever on March 9, 2009.

I believe that the battle my mother fought with her children by her side caused me to re-think my life and prioritize everything. She taught me to never have regrets, never wish I had done something, never feel sorry that I missed out in life.

I think that many people who compete come from a place of pain. It may be an eating disorder, years of being overweight, or years of being underweight. Divorce, abuse, drug addiction, you name it.  It's a way of focusing all of your energy into something that requires an unlimited amount of time and energy, constant balance and is not usually self destructive unless you start getting into drugs, which many do unfortunately.

It  allows you to shine and realize that you are in power of yourself and the world around you, you are not a victim. The feeling of power is really amazing when you start getting very lean, overcoming the urge to eat garbage and you can see your body change every day. You can actually see changes in skin texture, water balance, hardness and softness in a matter of hours.
 
Competing is not easy, in fact, it may be one of the most difficult things I have ever done. It's not just a short event that you attend and is over, it is really a life long commitment to health, nutrition, training, and at many times, deprivation. It could almost be compared to a religion, you need to be that devoted to succeed.

Then after a competition, you have to be emotionally strong enough to handle the weight gain, when you get to a normal weight  but feel you are fat. I am a still struggling with that right now, it seems to be lasting longer than it has in the past.
 
I look at these trophies and think that I need to do something else with them, yet I am proud of my accomplishments, and they are all I have to show (other than a great body), so here they sit a little bit longer.

I enjoy it when people come in my office and they say "you're still competing!?", and I think they mean at my age, that's great I am still doing it. The funny thing is, I just started! It's only been a couple years! Then they say "wow, you must have been doing this for a long time" because they see so many trophies, but again, it's only been two seasons.

I am now facing another parent with cancer, my father. He seems so resigned to the fact that he will die sooner or later, which is true, but later would be better than sooner, and certainly anything would be better than cancer.

I realize he is the one gong through this, yet I wonder how I will handle it all this time, a second time around?

I guess I will soon see, I may launch myself into a more rigorous training program than ever.  I may do something very different and start lifting only three days a week, and do cardio the rest...I don't know what I will do, it is not a conscious decision I will be making, it's a decision out of pain and from the heart and soul. I won't really be in control at that point.

It is making me think again, think about my future, my life, what am I wasting time on? what am I missing out on? Am I doing the right thing? Am I hurting anyone? Am I being true to myself?

Time to think about all of it. I guess I can do that in the gym.