Showing posts with label perceptions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perceptions. Show all posts

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Size, Perceptions and Self Acceptance



My son came home from college this past weekend, the first time we have seen him in 5 weeks. It was great to see him but also hectic, we had a lot to fit in, he was sick and needed to go to urgent care for anti-biotics and of course, he had to spend time with friends too.

Sunday morning I slept in as usual and then went to Gold's to train my back, I love Sundays I can usually spend all the time I want to and it's never crowded, everyone seems to take Sundays off. This Sunday I had an appointment at 9:00 so I was under a bit of a time constraint, but I fit most everything in.

My Sundays take so long because of all of my chin ups - It takes me about 45 minutes just for those!

It's also harvest so David had to pick the grapes from the yard without me and then after I got home, we loaded them into Moby to take to Jay's for crushing. No one had much time for cooking, eating or anything. Once Cooper left at 1:00 we still had more to do, so we ended up going out for a very early dinner (lunch for David) at The Table in Willow Glen.

We arrived early, they weren't open yet so we wandered down the street and David slipped into a restaurant to use the bathroom. I stayed outside and was waiting and I hear a "hey you, come here and give me a hug!" I turn around and there, holding open the restaurant door is Mark Baz, my very first trainer! 

I went over and gave him a hug, I hadn't seen him in years and he led me inside to meet his girlfriend who was sitting at their table by the window. 

We chatted for a while about what was going on with our kids (he and I have boys the same age), about our current lives and things in general. He told Kyra about how we met, and when he first met me I couldn't lift a 15 pound dumbbell, then he said he got me up to 65 pounds, and he was right, I had forgotten! Here is a picture taken many, many years ago when I trained with him.


Kyra wanted to know how I got arms like mine. I said "lifting lots of heavy weights!" We talked about what we were doing and I mentioned my hamstring injury, and I got up to demonstrate a Romanian Deadlift. I sat down and Kyra said "wait- stand up and turn around!" I did and she pointed to my butt. "That's what I want, how do you get that?!" I laughed and told her that I had asked Roy just yesterday when my butt blew up like it is now- it all of a sudden got big and round. Like BIG. Roy said he had noticed it Friday himself. I mean it's BIG, it almost requires it's own zip code.

Then Baz told Kyra a story that I had forgotten from so long ago. He said that I had always demonstrated "the pencil test". If you could take a pencil and place it under your butt cheek, above your hamstring (the glute/hamstring tie in) and it stayed there, you were fat. Your butt fat should not hold up the pencil! I tried this when I got home, the pencil fell immediately to the ground. 

I laughed, I had forgotten about this and told him it was like to the towel test for men. 

We left and went to dinner and as we sat at the table I told David that it was odd. When I am at the gym, I really don't get a second glance, except maybe from people who don't come there often, but when I go out say to a restaurant, people stare at me, why?

He said I am a freak! He said no normal person looks like me. I know he is not trying to hurt my feelings at all, he is just trying to get me to see myself the way others do. They see a freak, Seriously...I told him I am not big, I don't look like a bodybuilder, but he said to a regular person, I do! I look like a bodybuilder! 

It bothers me and it doesn't, I suppose it depends on my mood and what's going on. The more I thought about it, the more I realized why I am so comfortable in the gym, you see, I belong there, I am with people like myself.

Obviously we are all different, but we have similar goals and aspirations, we want to improve our bodies, our health and it means a lot to us. We take the time necessary to actually get up off the couch and go to the gym; we make an effort to eat healthy foods instead of the easy and somewhat tasty garbage.
And I realized for the first time that this is one reason why I enjoy competing, I am with people just like myself.  Don’t misunderstand me, I embrace diversity, I enjoy people of all different walks of life, but I also like being around “my own kind”, fellow competitors.
I understand that many people are curious and they cannot help but stare at others who appear different, so although I don’t feel out of place out in public, I do feel the stares, and sometimes it is annoying and I wish they would stop, I am not a freak in a freak show.
The other morning I as reading Facebook posts and Bret Contreras posted this video, and it all clicked.  At one point in my adult, weight training life I felt like the little girl dressed as the Bumblebee, but now, I am finally with other Bumblebees, it’s a happy and joyous feeling.
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