Obligations, Guilt, Pleasure, Frustrations

What the hell am I talking about?!


Life


A typical life as many people know it; a gourmand's dream as other's do; a living hell for a Figure competitor.


I love to cook, I always have and I am good, let me say that. Really, really good. Seriously.


I can taste anything once, and then reproduce it. 


My family knows this, and they miss it, believe me. It makes me feel guilty. When I am done with a competition, I start cooking again, the foods I love, the foods they love. I do it because I feel I am obligated to, I also want to enjoy it but I feel guilty. 


This is not healthy is it? No...a good reason never to start competing...


Tonight, as I write this, it is Friday at 7:45 pm. David and I just enjoyed a great dinner  (Cooper had one bite, he was in and out due to a football game). What did I make?


Take a look at the picture, but it was Lamb chops with black olives.


Doesn't sound too impressive but in reality it was two racks of lamb, cut into loin chops. Marinated in olive oil, garlic, oregano, chile flakes, lemon zest, lemon juice, and black olives.


Then quickly seared in olive oil in a very hot skillet, then cooked with the above marinade and some water.


Served with fried fingerlings and sauteed zucchini. 


Oh we had sparkling wine before, and then a nice 2008 Domaine Tempier Bandol with the meal.


As we ate David said "Oh, I am living at Chez Panisse again..."


Shit, I cannot eat like this all the time and maintain my physique.


And I cannot make my family live on chicken breast and asparagus, can I?


Obligations, guilt, pleasure, Frustrations. 


Be prepared to deal with it. Life will get in the way of your competing. Or is it that competing gets in the way of life?

Life detours

 

I had a few hiccups this month. I went on vacation, and I could have attempted to stick to a diet but I didn't choose to. That is what is important to remember, we all make our own choices.

I think that many people are not successful in their endeavors because they choose to blame external forces instead of turning and looking internally.

True, sometimes one person may be dealt a worse hand than others, and this hand may go on for quite some time, but it can be dealt with, it's all how you look at the cards.

I enjoyed my vacation, I ate, I drank, I slept, it was nice. I gained some body fat, I can see it and feel it. Oh David will tell you it is all in my head, but it's not.

I will lose it too, I am a focused person. Don't get in my way or you will get run over.  

I am retuning home early, but cannot yet get right back into the gym, but that's OK, the gym will always be there, and I can make it work.

I can adhere to my diet at my father-in laws (easier than in Mexico) and can always go to a local gym for a few days, weights are weights, I can lift them all!

Actually just getting back to chugging down copious amounts of water feels good! Tonight we all went out to dinner, I think the waiter thought I was a nut. While David ordered steak and fries (no vegetable), Cooper ordered chicken fried steak, country toast and baked potato, Pop had liver and onions, I ask for the following:

salmon, charbroiled, no oil, no butter

baked potato, plain

vegetables, steamed

lemon on the side

salad, only vinegar

It was good, it was healthy, it was on my diet. We had a good time joking how Mum would have had a french fry sandwich, with butter. (Don't know if it's part of growing up in Wales, or just a Mum thing!)

I may take detours, but I always find my way back to the main road and eventually, back home.

Life Interrupted

 

The manager of the hotel I am staying at came knocking on my screen door last night (Tuesday) at 3:00 a.m. David's dad was on the phone.

Davids mother has left us, it happened very suddenly and unexpectedly. We all know that our loved ones will leave, but we are never, ever ready for it.

Margaret was like a mother to me too, in fact I called her Mum. I have known her since I was 17 years old, that's a very long time.

She welcomed me into her family with open arms, never judging, never critical. I was the daughter she always wanted, yet never had until I met David. She spoiled me rotten! In fact, she gave me a key to her house, not David and said "If you two ever divorce, Kristy can come home, but not you David! ha ha

You really couldn't want a better mother in law.

Its very hard being in another country, I was able to change our flight, but we cannot leave until Thursday, one more day later. Paradise has suddenly become prison.

Through the tears and frustration we talked all day on Wednesday. We sat in the sun, drank way too much wine and walked over to have lunch at the restaurant next door. I sat looking at the ocean, sipping white wine and eating lobster with garlic. Even in sorrow I tell the guy to leave out the butter.

He senses something is not right, he fills my glass "on the house" and softly walks away. 

I emailed a friend who lives across the street from my in-laws, I met her through my blog. I ask if she will check on my Dad, Alicia wonderfully goes to spend time with him. She assures me she will check on him until we can get there, and her husband, Solomon will go see him when he returns from work in the evening, it is a great comfort to know there are others you can count on.

Actually being here another day, stranded has allowed us some time to come to terms with Mum's sudden death, to relate to one another, to talk our way through our own fears and pains. When my mother died 2 years ago, also in February, I had been caring for her with hospice, we talked daily about her fears of dying, my fears of her dying, our intertwined lives. It was not the same with Mum, we never got that chance.

I was always fortunate to have two mothers, and now I have memories only. But very good memories that I can cherish forever.

I love you Mum.