Life, Lifting and Loss of My Father

The photo above is my mother, Earleene on the left, My father, Frank in the center and my mother's younger sister (my aunt), Joyce, on the right when they were very young.

My mother died from cancer in 2009 and my father died of Leukemia on Sunday, July 14, 2013. Joyce is still here, kicking in Las Vegas, I spoke with her today actually.

If you have followed my blog over the years you know all about my mom and my friend Emily, who died from cancer only last year. I feel I have had way too many close encounters with cancer and death, and the loss of loved ones. 

I also had a bout with skin cancer a month ago, below you can see my chest after the cream treatment caused it to flare up. The side effects were so strong they ended up surgically removing it. I have a nice scar now the size of a lopsided quarter on the center of my chest to remind me to wear my sunscreen.

I am fine, it's actually my second cancer experience, and I have my whole body checked every six months for more. 

Needless to say, the last several months have been a bit stressful for me and my family. My father learned about his leukemia in February, he emailed me when I was vacationing in Mexico.  He endured several months of chemo again (it was his 3rd form of cancer in just as many years), and finally he decided he was done with the blood and platelet transfusions. 

My brother flew in from Europe (where he lives) and my sisters and I all cared for him, taking turns doing all of the things one needs to do. Joyce was there almost round the clock.

Here I am, in MyRedRocket (my convertible BMW), eating chocolate as I drive to my father's, he lived down the coast about 3 1/2 hours away (according to him, but none of us ever made it there that quickly).

I got out at Starbucks in King City, only to find chocolate melted on the butt of my light gray yoga pants, and chocolate on my face.....

I joined another gym at my father's place, in a city 13 miles away. In my opinion, nothing should stop you from training and my Dad would have felt the same way. 

Above I am posing at In Shape City in Santa Maria, California. I think I was a bit of a novelty to them, a new gal sauntering in, buff to the max, acting like she owns the place. I was greeted the very first day. A big guy comes in and introduces himself, shaking my hand. "You are in great shape!" he said, "You have all the guys back there talking about you." I thanked him and laughed, and explained I would be around for the next month or so.

I enjoyed my new gym immensely! I spent a lot of time there, Dad slept most of the day and mornings were quiet.

I brought a great deal of my own food, but since my brother, Derek wanted to train and learn to eat the "Kristy way", we did shopping and food prep together. He ended up losing 9 pounds I believe and will go home looking lean as can be!

I did some extra cardio everyday as most of the time at Dad's I was sitting and not particularly active. In Shape had something called a Jacob's Ladder that I loved, it was the most difficult form of cardio I have ever done. Take a look below!

After intervals for 14 minutes. Of course this was leg day too and I had done heavy squats and lunges previously. 

It's important to remember that we need to take care of ourselves when faced with a FUBAR. Do you know what that means? Many people use the acronyms SNAFU and FUBAR and have no idea what they mean. Less common but just as fun are TARFU and BOHICA. It's military speak (Dad was a marine ) -

Fucked

Up 

Beyond

All

Recognition

I go  into "I'm gonna train and no one can stop me" mode when something like this happens and I get lean and mean. Many others revert to old bad habits, alcohol, drugs, smoking, over eating. Not me, I want to take care of myself.

Below is Dad's duffel bag, moldy smelling but I love it! I found it in his closet as I cleaned out his clothes.

I found these great big silky shorts, I don't recall ever seeing him in these! 

Here is my brother, Derek (left) and my son, Cooper at dinner at Jocko's in Nipomo. Three nights after Dad's death, after we had cleared out much of the house, we all went to dinner to celebrate his life, relax and unwind. Death is a very stressful event. I felt like I had been holding my breath for weeks. I enjoyed a gin Gibson; one drink and I was dizzy.

I am at my home gym, Gold's Campbell here. I came home from Dad's a few times, but was too exhausted and stressed to go to work. I was on Family Medical Leave and missed a month of work. It's OK, my staff are very well crossed trained, very capable and I kept up with emails.

I continued my quest for legs, big, muscular legs and you can see that I am getting there. Two months after my last competition I am up 8 pounds and still lean, I am quite pleased with how my physique is coming along. David keeps looking at me saying "Your legs look great!" and he isn't into all this bodybuilding stuff at all! 

I am doing fine, while losing a loved one is never easy, Dad had us laughing until the end. Well, honestly at times we wanted to strangle him, but then we would huddle in the kitchen, comply with his crazy demands and get on with the care he needed, and appreciated even at his grumpiest moments.

Sometimes I looked at the morphine and the lorazepam and considered taking it myself! But I didn't, it was my way of vocalizing the stress I was feeling.

David and Cooper were very patient, holding down the fort at home and taking care of things I had to have done. Roy was amazing, changing my training schedule at the drop of a hat to accommodate me with my weird schedule in between cities for the last month. 

Sakura sent my father a card for father's day that made both he and I cry, the words were sincere and loving. 

Friday, I was at home, I trained with Roy and then David and I went to lunch. I had a glass of champagne and some wonderful (non-dietetic) food. 

I take Derek to the airport on Sunday, he will return home and to his studies in Paris. I go back to work on Monday and catch up to a month's worth of 'stuff". My sister, Karen also goes back on Monday, she too took a month off to care for Dad. 

Then on Thursday, Cooper and David will move Cooper back to Chico, into his new apartment and I lose another loved one, but hopefully I will see him frequently. 

it's been rough, it's been difficult, it's been stressful and tiring. But I never gave up, never, I am not a quitter. I love life and death is part of life, a very difficult transition, but one we must all come to terms with.

I will miss Dad, but every time I use a microwave I will think of him (it's an inside story that only his caregivers will know), and I still have his striped socks to wear when I go back to finish clearing out his home before the house is sold. 

I will also remember how he marveled at my passion and told me many, many times how proud he was of me and my accomplishments.  I have saved all the emails where he would reply to all my blogs, he read every single one. 

Oh, and the meaning of the other "military slang acronyms"? Check them out HERE! 

Training while traveling

I am visiting my father; my sister, Karen, and brother, Derek are with me. Friday I went into work, left at 11:30 to meet Roy to train shoulders, then off we go on a three and a half hour drive south. It would only take three hours but we stopped in King City for taco's.


The top was down, and poor sis got the back seat, although she was a trooper and didn't ask to put up the top for quite some time. She missed all the music and the conversation. (Email readers will need to navigate directly to the blog to view the video below).

Before heading off to bed Friday my dad says "Are you training in the morning?" and I think this is significant, I mean how many people use the word "training" besides people like me? Ha ha! dad knows me well, he doesn't say "working out" cause that's not what I do.

"Yes indeed I am!" Off I go to sleep on the floor in the office. There are two couches in the living room and I can have one, but I go to bed much earlier than everyone else so this seems like the best idea.

I sleep fine but wake up with a headache, very unusual for me, but I have set my alarm and am up at 6:00, the gym there opens at 7:00 and is 13 miles away.

It's quad day, it will be tough since I have a headache but I am hoping I will forget about it soon.

I walk in, the guy at the desk greets me like he knows me and says "Hey how's it going? Have a good workout!" so I walk past and don't bother to pay or fill out a waiver. Either he recognizes me or I just look like I belong here.

I warm up on the treadmill and think about what I shall do. They have some equipment here that my gym does not so I want to use it. I like this gym, I imagine that this is what a prison gym would be like. 

I have actually been in the yard of San Quentin before, this is a high security prison in California. I was subpoenaed to show and testify against an inmate and since he was so dangerous they made me come to him instead of letting him come to me.  They told me "don't wear blue and don't run under any circumstances." I remember, after I was told to take off my shoes, and received a full body pat down that I had to walk across the prison yard, unescorted while the men walked all around me. Now I know why I couldn't wear blue, they all had on faded blue shirts. I was frightened and just looked straight ahead, walking slowly, looking at the door across the yard which only seemed to get farther away even though I walked closer and closer.

This gym reminds me of that, although I am not frightened or uncomfortable, because it's all men and they all wear wife beaters, white or black. Many wear hoodies, it's cold in here and big, there is no heat as it would cost way too much to heat the place. The men move slowly through the huge gym, almost in a trance. Most only train upper body, they are concerned with how they look in their tank tops, they have big puffed out chests, muscular arms, and thin, skinny legs.

I started with front squats, every quad day will have squats. The headache made it difficult, I couldn't go real heavy. I warmed up then did 5 sets of 10 with 95 pounds. I then used the hack squat, I love this and wish we had one but we don't. Since I have only used a hack squat a few times I have no basis for comparison, but I threw 2 big plates on each side and went as low as I could. 5 sets of 10. Then the leg press, again, I knew I could do more but the head got in the way. I had only 3 plates on each side, let's see...that is only 270 pounds, but add the actual machine and it's a bit more. Finally a leg extension machine with weight stacks for each leg, this is hard to master and I like it. I had 50 pounds on each side, so it's like uni-lateral raises with 50 pounds I suppose.

One hour, 15 minutes and the headache has prevented me from going as heavy as I would like, but it was still good. There was no space for me to do my conditioning as a "body pump" class was starting, and now in were coming the women. I used the step mill for my cardio. 

I showered, dressed and drove back in search of coffee. 

When I got home at about 9:15, everyone was up waiting for me, they were hungry. They all offered their solutions for my headache. K.K. (Karen) offered Advil, Dude (Derek) showed me an acupressure technique to relieve the pain. He took my left hand and gently squeezed the fleshy area between my thumb and first finger, I yelped in pain. "Yes he says, you have a bad headache." And we start laughing, "Um, that's my hand, not my head you squeezed." 

He explains that if you have a headache, you squeeze this area and gently massage until the headache goes away. I start massaging.

Dad tells me to sit back and relax and tell him about the headache, where is it, what color is it, how does it feel. I describe it as a pomello, red and encompassing the entire back of my head. 

More coffee, breakfast and soon my headache is gone. I don't know what made it go away though, time; Advil; massage; or imagery.

Keep this in mind when embarking on a training program. If you do too much, or switch programs too soon or often, you may never know what exactly was effective. Stick to a program long enough to be able to determine if it is successful. 

Life, Choices and my Dad

This past weekend I visited my father. I told Roy that all I could think about was driving 80 miles an hour along the California coast with the top down, munching on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He laughed and said he could picture me going so fast that the jelly was coming out the side of my mouth, along my cheek in a stream.


Well, after we trained Friday I made not one but two sandwiches, one was almond butter and no sugar apricot jam, the other was peanut butter and homemade fig preserves. Both on Alvarado Street Bakery Essential Flax bread- it has only 100 calories for TWO slices and 15 grams carbs. And it is really, really good!


I zoomed along with the music blasting in the warm air, it was almost 90 degrees there! The sandwiches were one of the best things I have eaten in ages.


I visited my fathers local gym twice, it used to be a Gold's but is now called Santa Maria Health Club. I like this place, it has almost everything I need. I feel comfortable here, it is a huge cavernous weight room and a small cardio area. Most of the guys come in wearing hoodies with the hood on, I am not sure why, but that's the style here. Maybe because it's a fighters gym. They have an octagon in one corner, an area with 16 heavy bags in the other and loads of equipment.

I noticed many women taking a cardio kickboxing class one day, funny that women tend to gravitate to those classes, the instructor looked good, but still, she doesn't lift weights so she was "skinny fat", her toned looking legs would jiggle as she jumped about.


Saturday was hams, quads and calves and they had some equipment I don't have at my gym so I changed it all up. 


Laying leg curl
Standing leg curl (loved this one)
Deadlifts
Front squats
Walking lunges
Donkey calf raise (we need one of these)
Standing calf raise (they have a dedicated machine)
Cadio


I got home three hours later (the place is 13 miles from his house) and we started to talk about life.


My dad has cancer. He was diagnosed with esophageal cancer a little over a year ago, had a successful esophojectomy, radiation, chemo and the works, but is has metastasized in his liver. 


In the picture at the top of this post he is measuring the plaque he had made in memory of his neighbor, Bob. Bobs wife Judy just past away, so we needed to get the size for yet another one.


My Dad is a very, very smart man and he has always been very supportive of me and my health choices (meaning my exercise, competing and diet).  He never said anything negative about my habit of toting special packages of cooked food everywhere, eating different things than the rest of the family, my need for so many meals. But I don't think he ever understood, ever realized the importance. 


He talked a lot on the weekend, I suppose when you are faced with death, there is a lot to say.


He looked at me and said "Kristy, what you do is valid. Your devotion to health, to your diet, the care you take with the food you prepare. Your family is very lucky that they have you."


He said until now, he had not realized or understood how important it all is to life, the difference it can make between living and dying.  The difference between a comfortable old age and a painful one. It felt good to hear that, to be validated by such a smart guy.


We talked about a book he thinks I shall enjoy called The Watchman's Rattle: Thinking Our Way Out of Extinction and I do plan to buy it, in fact my son expressed a great interest in it too when I explained it to him.


We talked about themes in the book, for instance, he asked what I thought of the obesity epidemic in the United States. Was it a personal choice, or systemic? Instantly I said systemic. I know we can all make choices, but when society teaches people that formula is better for babies than breast milk, when McDonald's happy meals are OK for a 3 year old, when sugar coated cereals are a healthy breakfast, society is failing, and is doomed. 


We can make choices, but it is becoming increasingly more difficult to make the right choice, and we all need to make a stand to change that. If you care about yourself, and your loved ones, do what is right, and start by loving and respecting your body. 

How Do You Maintain Fitness through Adversity (Fitness Blog World post)

This is a Fitness Blog World post. All 21 writers in the group are to write about this topic:

"How do you maintain your fitness and healthy lifestyle through adversity? When "life happens", how do you keep going and stay committed to your goals?"

I have not had something horrible happen to me such as losing my home to a disaster, a major injury, loss of my job, nothing that was directly involving me. I have had several loved ones suffer through many illnesses, and have lost two parents in the last two and a half years though. That can pretty much put anyone into a tailspin.

My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer several years ago, they removed a third of her lung, a horrible surgery that involved breaking many ribs to complete. I know about having just one broken rib, it is excruciating.

Mom went through 4 years of chemo and radiation. Luckily she lived 4 miles from my house. My step father had his own struggles dealing with this horrible illness and needed assistance. Many of the care giving duties fell to me and my younger sister, we both lived close by. It became routine, my sister Karen and I would go to each all day infusion, make cheeseburger and milkshake runs for mom and sit and joke all day as she was treated.

For years, life revolved around doctor and hospital visits, medication and new physical discoveries, as all people react differently to such powerful medications. We did a few things we had always wanted to do, just in case we didn't get another chance. I am glad we did.

Hair would fall out, and hair would grow back. Fingernails too.

In the end, my sister and I were her primary caregivers. We called in hospice, we needed advice, we needed help. Just how much morphine should you give a person, how do you know when they are in pain if they cannot speak or move? How do you wash them without hurting them and then ensure they don't get bedsores?

She needed morphine and other pain medication every hour on the hour, 24 hours a day. We fired the night care giver because she "let her sleep" instead of giving her the medication, so it was up to us. We learned that fluttering of the eyelashes means the patient is in pain, give them more morphine, right away.

We took turns sleeping at her home. I would sleep by her side and the kitchen timer would wake me every hour through the night to give her pain medication and I could swab her mouth. In the morning an aide would come to relieve me, and my step father was there so he could make sure the medication was given on time.

As soon as the caregiver arrived, I would go to the gym. Then I would return to my mother's and sometimes work from her home or go into the office. I did the shopping, my husband did a huge amount also, my son helped.

Yes I was tired, I was an emotional wreak, but I did what I had to do to maintain my own sanity. I never missed one day at the gym and I adhered to my diet everyday.

My mom died at home, where she should be. I prepared her body, hospice said they didn't do that, my brother and sister couldn't, they just couldn't. I dressed her in a favorite dress, and some jewelry she liked and said goodbye one last time to a beautiful woman.  

Shortly after that my step father became very ill and was hospitalized and non verbal and not aware of anything for over a week. My sister and I took turns caring for him there, he was at Kaiser and the nurses didn't have time to feed him or change the bedding very often, it could be hours. We would take turns spoon feeding him, making sure he had clean bedding if necessary and watching over him. We got to know the nurses and doctors, we knew where all the supplies were.

I would go to and from work, and I never missed a day at the gym, and I adhered to my diet everyday.

My mother in law died in February of this year when I was on vacation in Mexico. We flew home as soon as we could and visited my father in law a few times, he lives a few hours away. 

Even on the day I went to the funeral home I went to the gym first. I never missed one day at the gym and I adhered to my diet everyday.

This is my dad, and if you have been following my blog for a while, you have seen these pictures. Last year he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer and underwent chemotherapy (below is his certificate of completion from the nurses!), radiation and ultimately a very invasive surgery. He pulled through better than they hoped! 

His surgery was at Stanford, about 30 miles from my home. He came there as it was not only a great hospital but it was close to us. We drove back and forth everyday to visit him, he was there for 10 days. I updated all his friends via email everyday with entertaining stories of his progress. I made several 70 and 80 year old friends! I would go to and from work, and I never missed a day at the gym, and I adhered to my diet everyday. 

Below he is goofing off as we (his kids) all hung out at his house, contemplating "do we make brownies or something else?" As you can see, he didn't really care, "just give it to me!"

My brother flew in from Barcelona and stayed a month to help take care of him, and would call me and tell me how crotchety dad was!  I guess he had a right to be though huh?

When I visited him and stayed a while, we all had the discussion of his possible death sooner than we had planned, I went to the gym everyday and I adhered to my diet.

A couple weeks ago his doctor told him he now has stage IV cancer, and statistically has 1 to 2 years left. Now, he could live another 20 (actually unlikely given his age already), or he could live 3 months, it's a statistic only.

I have a feeling that the next several months or years may prove to be challenging, for my father and for the people who love him. I am ready, and so is he.

This post isn't about dying though, it's about living, and how do we live when there are people around us dying? How do we keep it together and go to the gym when adversity strikes?

I believe we all handle adversity the same way we handle life. It just depends on how you look at the adversity. Do you look it in the eye and wave the red shawl, like a bullfighter to the bull? Or do you look away and run scared?

I have a commitment to live my life to it's fullest. I don't feel it is selfish, I feel it is generous. For me to be a whole person, to give all that I give, I need to take care of myself, especially when taking care of those around me.  For me to be able to be the "Rock of Gibraltar" I must do what I need to keep me sane, and that is eating right and exercising, every single day. Falling apart will help no one, and in fact, will make matters worse.

Something probably needs to slide though, and we all decide just what that something will be.  For me it was never the gym, nor my healthy eating. The house was a mess, so big deal. I got less sleep, I lived. I didn't really do anything fun, it was all about balancing the needs of myself and others, skip the entertainment for a while. 

I think you need to ask yourself the question:

Are you dying to live?

Or are you living to die?

Think  about it.

How many times have you said you would do something "tomorrow" or would start a program "in a while"? Are you waiting to lose weight before you buy yourself a new dress, wear a bikini, or get a piercing? 

Are you putting off a training or weight loss program because you feel your life is too hectic right now? 

What if you don't have tomorrow? Adversity is everywhere, and we all react to the many degrees of it differently. 

A couple years ago I was chatting on Skype with my younger brother. He lives in Barcelona and has for years. I don't get to see him often. I moved out of the house when I was in high school, he was only 11, so I missed him growing up, I wasn't there.

He has grown to be a man I love very much, and I would want to know him even if he weren't my relative.

As we talked, he told me he was spending the summer in Paris and studying at the Sorbonne. David walked up behind me and slipped a note in front of me. "Go visit your brother in Paris" it said.

And I did. I had a competition and two days later boarded a plane, all by myself to Paris for 10 glorious days with my brother. Here we are on one of our everyday lunch stops at a small restaurant, drinking way too much wine.

All my adult life I wanted a pair of Christian Louboutin Very Prive pumps but they were too damn expensive. About 6 months ago I told myself "I am 50 years old. What am I waiting for, till I am 80 when I finally believe I can afford them and then I cannot even walk in them?"

Here are my shoes in all their glory and I love them. Every time I wear them I feel fantastic, I should have bought them 20 years ago! Oh, and I am buying some in a very nice cream color soon.

Are you waiting to go on vacation "when you have time"? What about finally getting that crazy haircut? You know, it grows back...even after chemo.

I have been wanting to go to the Poliquin Institute and become certified. Not that I plan to be a trainer, but I want to do it for myself, because I am worth it and I believe in learning, I am hungry to learn.

David looked at me the night we heard about my Dad's cancer return and he  said "What are you waiting for? Go!".

What are YOU waiting for?

LIFE is Like a FLUTE ….

It May Have Many Holes And Emptiness

But

If You Work On It Carefully

It Can Play

MAGICAL MELODIES

`Rishika Jain

Please take the time to visit the other writers from Fitness Blog World and share their experiences.