Physique Changes

I am going to the gym after work three days a week now, to fit in the dreaded cardio. I don't have time in the morning, and while I still run my 300 stairs and jump rope 300 times at lunch, that is not quite enough to drop all the fat, it only take about 15 minutes so three days a week I am training three times a day, and the other days it's just twice.

I am only there 20 minutes, not hours like many others are. Darn it is crowded at night though and what a scene! People are there to socialize, check each other out, cruise, it's is a mad house and every machine is taken.

About a week ago I was feeling a little blue about everything, I go through that a few times as I get closer to a competition. Wondering why on earth I put myself through all this; why I make my family go through it all; why don't I just enjoy the gym, eat some good food and relax?

I talked to a friend, one who isn't competing this year and ask her what made her decide and tried to get a little advice. She asked me the same questions I ask myself, and she was straight up about it all. I was 7 weeks out, I have come this far just do it and then think about it.

She asked why I haven't ever gone to the Nationals or the USA's, I have qualified two years in a row, but I just don't think I am ready. I don't think I can compete with the other women I see in the NPC magazine. I deserve to according to the judges, but how would I do? My mind needs to be convinced before I would do that.

She is right of course. 7 weeks is nothing, it will be gone before I realize it. Then I can enjoy the time off for a short while or a long while, it's my decision.

So I changed into my running shorts, grabbed my jump rope and headed out in the cold, blustery wind, it was really, really cold (for California) and I didn't feel like going out in skimpy little Nike compression shorts, but I did.

I then had my lunch, finished work and drove to the gym for session three of the day, wanting to just go home and eat my soup.

The gym was packed, a nut house. I changed and climbed up on a stairmill, and started listening to a podcast that I had not yet finished from Sunday's cardio.

I then started looking around. I thought about myself and realized I do look quite good, better than most everyone I see there, with the exception of the woman in the pink tank but she was definitely not original parts if you know what I mean, refurbished from tip to toe. Nice looking but, just that look that isn't quite right, anywhere.

I looked over at the woman on the stairmill next to me and  she thought I had heard what she and her friend (standing on the ground in front of her had said), she looked a little alarmed. I pulled out my ear buds and told her I couldn't hear a thing, I had my sound up too loud, she laughed and was pleased.

Her friend said she liked my shirt, I thanked her and said I was about to take it off (I get really hot) so off it went. I get some disturbed looks at the gym when I do that with the afternoon/evening crowd, the morning folks are used to it. I do have a bra top on.

I finished up, went down to the locker room and that same woman was in there doing her hair and we have a conversation like this:

Woman: "I love that shirt, where did you get it?"
Me: turning around and showing her the back of my black t-shirt that says:

Good Girls Tone
Bad Girls Lift

"Thanks, I do too. I got it here, (company name is on the back) but they are out of business. I had a coach who told me I had to have it"
Woman: "You getting ready for a show?"
Me: "Yes, I have 7 weeks" (interesting she knew, most people have no clue about competing)
Woman: "Bodybuilding or Fitness?"
Me: "Figure"
Woman: "Well you look good."
Me: "Thanks, I am thinking this one, I will be 50 and then this will be the last. But who knows, I may end up doing July, then October, then next thing you know I am on a diet for a year again"
Woman: "50" You look good!"

Then as I left I started thinking "Bodybuilding or Fitness" ??? Have I gotten too muscular? I can't tell. She didn't think I was in Figure, she thought I was either big and bulky (bodybuilder) or tight and boxy (Fitness). I don't have a trainer to tell me, I only have myself and I see myself every single day, over and over.

Will the judges say I am too big? Wondering, I walked out, feeling good, I am glad I came. But still thinking, "am I too big now?"

What do you think?